HE WROTE: 2006: The Year of the Gator

According to ancient Chinese texts, 2006 is the Year of the Gator. Well, not actually. But for us it is. I'm Bob Mayer and I guess I can't be silent any more.

So we started writing DON'T LOOK DOWN in September 2004 and had a draft done by January 2005. I was quite happy. Unfortunately, then we ended up rewriting and rewriting and rewriting--you get the picture. The book was finally done around August. And it will be published on 4 April 2006. One thing about publishing: it aint fast.

After we finished the first draft of DLD, we started talking about a second book. We started with a food critic-- Cranky Agnes-- and a hit-man-- Shane. Just Shane. Do you know how hard it is to figure out a plot involving those two characters? We met in New York to have a meeting with our agent and editor. Jenny and I were walking along Fifth Avenue-- we walked everywhere as she doesn't do the subway. I used to take the subway to high school. But I digress. We were walking along Fifth Ave trying to come up with a plot and I had someone putting secret codes into the recipes Cranky Agnes-- and with a name like that, think of what poor Shane is going to have to endure-- put in her new cookbook and someone was going to kill her because of that. Not. Eight months and a dozen plots later we've got something that's a lot of fun. The opening chapter is written and we're ready to start smoking out way through our brilliant outline-- yes, we have an outline.

Meanwhile, at last count, we will be doing 24 conferences this year between us along with a book tour. We're doing 'media training' later this month as it seems we need it since we did a half hour interview for Orange County PBS last year and while we were funny and charming neither of us mentioned the title of our upcoming book. Not once. Thus we need training.

Speaking of book tour, my only book tour experience was driving like fifty thousand miles a year to various military posts such as Fort Bragg and Fort Benning, setting up two card tables, throwing a camouflage poncho liner over them, hanging a huge banner that said BOOK SIGNING on it along with a Special Forces patch, and then sitting there for fourteen hours a day writing on my laptop and occassionally selling a book. I've sat for 14 hours and sold ZERO books. So this should be better. When I was on the infamous Maui Writers Cruise to the Panama Canal-- that doesn't make sense even saying it-- I remember sitting in a nice stateroom (I shared a closet on Dolphin Deck with an agent-- we got the crew announcements in our room, not the passengers announcements)-- where was I? Oh yeah, I was in a stateroom with several best-selling authors who shall remain anonymous and they were just bitching about book tours. And I swore then that I would never complain if I went on a book tour. So-- four month from now when I'm bitching you can remind me of this.

And I'm not in North Carolina. Geez. Jenny doesn't even know where I live. I'm in South Carolina. On a barrier island. I can look up at the Intercoastal Waterway and wave to the dolphins. And yes, I was watching the Giants game last night and I was in bed before midnight because the life of a writer is SO exciting.

Yesterday I ran in the Forest Preserve, which is a nice way of saying swamp in South Carolina, and I said hey to the gators because this is going to be the year of the Gator Tour. Oh, for those who are wondering, that's because we have this sweet, one-eyed alligator in DLD. And he hardly eats anyone.

So. Happy 2006 and watch out for them there gators.