SHE WROTE: For the Record . . .

For the record, I did not say Bob couldn't quote Seinfeld because I didn't like Seinfeld or the quotes. I said it because he was being incomprehensible in a half hour interview so I always ended up explaining the quotes once I figured out what the hell he was talking about and that left less time to say, "Don't Look Down. April 4. He Wrote She Wrote. Romantic Adventure. Crusie Mayer."

For example, he loves to tell the story about how we came in on the same plane the night we met in Maui. "Jenny was in first class," he always says, "and I was in the cargo hold doing an Elaine." Crickets. Then I say, "It's a from a Seinfeld episode, except it doesn't really apply because we weren't flying together and one of us didn't get an upgrade, we didn't even know each other, and he wasn't in the cargo hold, he was asleep back in coach, and no,I don't why he keeps telling this story."

Or he talks about the double cover on DLD, "The outside is the chick lit cover and the inside is a camo cover, I got the idea from Kramer's coffee table book." Crickets. Even if you know the episode, how Bob gets from the coffee table book with the legs to the two covers on DLD is a stumper. I finally figured it out: Just like Kramer goes, "Ta da!" and puts the legs down on the coffee table book, so Bob goes "Ta da' (metaphorically) and whips off the chick lit cover to show the camo underneath. At least, I think that's what he means.

It's a variation of the Korean restaurant story. He means well. But he cannot tell those stories again because THEY MAKE NO SENSE AND THEY CONFUSE THE INTERVIEWERS.

(About the Korean Restaurant Story. It goes like this: When Bob lived in Korea, and he went out to eat, he didn't go to a restaurant and order from a menu because Korean restaurants don't have menus, they each just serve one thing. So if he wanted dumplings, he went to the dumpling restaurant, if he wanted soup, he went to the soup restaurant. That's the Korean Restaurant Story. That's all of it. And I heard it forty times before I went for his throat, so I should get Moot Points for restraint, I think.)

Then today, our goddess of an editor, Jen, sent us the ad that's going to be in the NYT on Tuesday and it's gorgeous and I will post it here as soon as I can figure out how to change it from a PDF to a JPG. Meg said she loved it, I said I loved it (it's amazing) and Bob wrote this:

"At West Point, as Plebes we had to pick up packets of the NY Times and deliver them to every door at oh-dark-thirty every morning. Then memorize all the headlines on the front page of the NY Times every morning before breakfast. That is apropos of nothing, but it helps explain my slight phobia about the Times as we would then get questions screamed at us in breakfast formation about it. And if we got anything wrong would end up doing a 'magical mystery tour that evening' to upperclass rooms for hazing.'
But the ad is very nice.
Thank you.
Bob"

Fortunately, his fiction makes sense. My partner. I think I'll keep him.
As long as he doesn't talk about Seinfeld any more in interviews.