Warning: Some Violence and Much Strong Language.SHE WROTE: Fly the Cranky Skies
I think Bob's good for me: He's so cranky that he puts me in a very Zen place. I fell in love with a 30" stuffed lobster in the airport and Bob said, "No, I don't think so," so I bought it when he wasn't looking and stuffed it in my carry-on. I stifled my laughter when the kid behind him kicked his seat for the entire two-hour flight. He was very sweet in the two airport bookstores where we signed DLDs, and then we got to baggage claim, and I was cheerful and supportive when the airline lost his luggage. I even let him drive to my house instead of saying, "You know, I know the way,"and smiled cheerily when he pointed to the switch that said "Passenger side airbag ON." When we stopped at the IGA so he could get healthy snacks and he bought Ding Dons in honor of DLD and candy corn and a KitKat, I did not make mock. When he looked at my office and said, "You need to throw some stuff out," I patted him on the back.
Then I said, "Somebody needs a nap," and sent him upstairs to the quiet of the guest room with his bag of simple carbohydrates and three bottles of water so he could e-mail Deb and tell her how much he's suffering as he goes into sugar shock. He'll be okay. I have My Name is Earl Tivoed. That always cheers him up. And if that doesn't work we'll watch High Noon. Sigh.
Then I said hello to the dogs and looked at the beautiful day and the river. I do get how he feels; we've been on the road too long and he's still not home. But I am (YEA!). And Linda the Perfect Dogsitter took Wolfie, the youngest dog, to the Easter Egg Hunt at the vet's and got his picture taken with the Easter Bunny which is too damn funny for words because Wolfie is an inbred puppy mill dachshund that I got, well, stole actually, from Dachshund Rescue so Wolfie doing anything is always funny but Wolfie with the Easter Bunny: Priceless. The other two dogs are too old to care; their treat was a day without Wolfie.
And I'm home, home, home.
Oh, God, Bob's sneezing upstairs. Either he has a cold or he's allergic to the dogs. Or Ohio. Or me.
Please God, let My Name is Earl still be on the Tivo list. This could get bad.
37 Comments:
Good luck Jenny. Hopefully the Ding Dongs and the dog smell will help. You might want to wait a while before parading the lobster around the house.
Hopefully, the airline will find Bob's luggage. He'll be missing his ugly T-Shirt.
Ummm....I hope you didn't tell Bob about Wolfie and the Easter Bunny. Could you maybe wait until you're in Md. at a book signing? Or a camera is handy? Bob doesn't strike me as being very expressive. I bet he will be THAT DAY.
lbooth
Well, at least Bob is in civilization and, if needs must, can buy clothing in the area. A friend of mine was not so lucky. On his way from New Jersey to Italy, his one and only piece of luggage was lost in transit. What made it worse is that he was not staying in Rome or another major city but was in a small town of about 400 people. He was there to excavate for eight weeks. Well, the bag never made it to Italy. It was eventually re-routed back home to New Jersey and arrived shortly before he did ALMOST TWO MONTHS later. Needless to say, my friend was a student and on a student's budget and could only afford to buy another set of clothing. He wore two sets of shirts and shorts for two months straight for both work and play. And let me tell you, you get really dirty digging in the sun for eight hours a day. I am told by others who were on the dig that year that the smell of indescribable.
I will bu yet another copy of DLD if you post the eatrser bunny puppy picture.
I love dogs. My four all treat me like a rock even tho I am, like, so not.
Camilla
The second to last word in my previous post should be 'was' not 'of'. Jeez...
Home is good.
Wolfie with the Easter Bunny sounds fab.
Bob with the Easter Bunny or a large lobster sounds like an extra special opportunity for someone with a camera and posting capabilities.
I live in hope.
Surely he will come down from that sugar high and doze during My Name is Earl?
**clapping hands** post the picture of wolfie with the easter bunny! pretty please?? :)
glad you are home - rest easy. hope bob can rest at least sort of easy.
Christina, one of the things that some young males actually enjoy about archaeological excavation is that it can often provide a cast-iron excuse for getting, and staying, really dirty.
;-)
Uh oh. Bob's clearly got his cranky pants on and nothing to change into in the immediate future.
Can you order in one of those hot chocolate gizmos?
Agtigress - too true! And I have experienced it firsthand too many times. I had to go in search of one of the guys at the dig house once and I stepped into one of the guy-designated rooms and nearly passed out from the stench--no joke! I had to make myself breath through my mouth rather than my nose to minimize the gag-reflex. Just like in Silence of the Lambs when Jodi Foster's character is at the autopsy.
Isn't everyone allergic to Ohio? That's not just me, right? It sure makes living here fun. Not.
Please, please, please, for the love of all that's holy--WHAT does JT stand for? For some reason, it's vitally important that I know this. Somewhere in my mind, JT stands for "Just That-- JT." But that would be too sick a joke, right? RIGHT?
Jenny -Whatever you do, DON'T watch High Noon. Because of the many references in DLD, I rented it and watched it last night. There is not a funny or uplifting moment in the whole movie after the first ten minutes. Schindler's List was more cheerful.
There is NO funny or uplifting on book tours.
lbooth
Please please post the picture of Wolfie and the Easter Bunny.
Thanks
J
Jessica, I just read DLD today but not until your comment did it strike me that we go through the whole book without finding out JTs full name. Damn. Let the speculation begin. *g*
Jerome Thomas? No wait. John Thomas. *g*
James Tiberius?
Um, Bobster. Skirt?
No 'Upstairs/Downstairs' email yet ?
A puppy? With the Easter bunny? Ooooh, please post the picture!
My husband used to work with a man named John Thomas. When they had to go to England for business, they were surprised to discover that in England, John Thomas is a euphemism for what men have that women don't. I gather that the looks on people's faces when they were introduced to John were indescribable.
I think Bob's good for me: He's so cranky that he puts me in a very Zen place.
So there's some kind of law of conservation of cranky? I like it. I only knew about the law of conservation of panic before now.
Candy Corn!? Well, it does say-- right on the bag-- "A Meal in Itself". No joke.
I'm more of the Lewis Black school of thought:
"Candy Corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911."
The first thing I did when I got home from Natick was hug my dog, sniff his fur and hope you both got a little down time to recharge. You were both wonderful, generous with your time and talent and information. And I'm sorry I closed the door on Bob when he was coming back into Jenny's workshop with his hands full of hot chocolate.
Cherry Magic Sheryl
Sounds like a successful mission. BTW, I've already read DLD and it's terrific!
Relax. Recharge. Pets really help with this. Maybe you can share yours with Bob to tide him over until he can get home to sniff his own. (Geez, that last sentence sounds ridiculous, like I'm talking about drugs or something instead of dogs. :-)
I, too, would love to see the Wolfie Easter Bunny picture! Pretty please!
Also, I caved today inspite of massive pending deadlines, and just now finished reading DLD. Trying to think of some suitable superlatives to describe DLD, but my brain is occupied still savoring. I guess I will just say that it was an amazing read!
Thanks to you both for working so hard and being the dedicated writers that you are!
Theresa in Pgh, feeling like the queen of procrastinators
Glad you made it home safely, Jenny. It's too bad that Deb and Hannah are so far away and can't just drop in for a visit. I feel badly for Bob. It sucks to be away from home, tired and stressed, and not be able to hug your dog/SO... Be nice to him--men don't handle that kind of stuff as well as women. They can't do the YEC so they just get cranky and difficult. Bob doesn't impress me as someone who puts his emotions out there, you know? The fact that he shares so much of himself on this blog is amazing to me--I read his other blog, er, sentence at his site before you started this one. Man of few words, very private. Hot chocolate, fuzzy blanket, a dog to lay on his feet, and a good movie--not as good as home, but if you close your eyes it can be pretty damn close. Damn--gotta go sniff MY dog now--hate this stupid YEC....
Yes, please tell us what JT stands for. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's wondering. And while we're at it, what does PL stand for? (Pepper Lucy?)
I love Pepper, especially her scenes with Wilder. The "I'm your egg" thing made me cry, which hardly ever happens because I have a cold, cold heart. (Or so I was told when I sat through "E.T." without shedding a tear.)
Did I mention I loved the book?
Sarah
Hmm.
Jehosephat Terwilliger?
Johnston the Third?
James Terrence?
Just arrived home myself after 4 days away - two very happy black labs awaiting, tails awagging. There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.....
My wonderful best friend managed to get me an ebay copy of The Cinderella Deal which I read in the car on the way home. OMG loved it, loved it. Cried at the end when Linc made his dough decoration of Daisy.
Jericho Tiberius?
I think James Tiberious has been done ... but wouldn't that be a fun little "insider joke"? What about it Bob? Are you a Trekkie?
I'm guessing Jasper Tynan.
inkgrrl said...
James Tiberius?
Is Bob a closet Trekkie? Hmmmm.
I'm voting for Jasper Tynan.
Sorry didn't mean to post twice. Didn't know the first one "took"
I confess, I was aware of the Brit's John Thomas nickname. It's in an old Monty Python song along with several other penis nicknames.
Glad to hear that Logan has DLD. I'm sorry to report that Houston, Detroit, and Manchester, NH airports don't have it yet. Although, Detroit did have Anyone But You. Something must be done!
A couple of posts ago you mentioned you had gone to your favorite astrology site, the MIchael Lutin site, and that sent me googling astrology because it had been so long since I had looked into horoscopes beyond the one on the side of the comics page.
I found a great site that I thought you might not know about, The Astrology Zone by Susan Miller, www.astrologyzone.com. I will have to say that the reason I thought it was great was because I am a gemini and the site says that I am to have a WONDERFUL April. I'm sort of a fair weather horoscope believer. If they say good things I'm all for it, and if they say bad things I just don't buy it.
Anyway, for you it says, and this is quoted from the site www.astrologyzone.com, "It's clear your career has been going great guns, and you seem to be forging into exciting new territory. You have a very high profile these days, and the buzz about you is excellent."
And we know all of that is true. Have a great week.
Hey Bob,
Read your post and it made me laugh, and a bit jealous too. The idea of pushing product in a book tour- low rent or otherwise- sounds glamorous to one not yet published.
What advice would you give to a writer trying to break into his own?
Love that Monty Python song Mary Stella. My kids think it's hysterical but I think that's more to do with the naughtiness than really understanding the humour.
Often called a John Thomas here in Oz as well....just can't escape those colonial roots...
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