Warning: Some Violence and Much Strong Language.HE WROTE: Discussion ensued
". . . a series of reversals. Where the hero always gets slammed. Has to pick himself, get going, and gets slammed again and go in a different direction. Never that there damn romantic plot to worry about. That complicates things. See THAT'S why you kill the love interest off. Simplifies things. So if we have the second hitman kill Agnes then what we got is a revenge book which are really cool and simple to write."
Such as:
And then Shane runs into Agnes' demure younger sister, little Abigal. Sister Abigial. Who is a nun. Albeit, a nun who packs a rocket launcher. No pun intended there. Trained in three martial arts by ninja Jesuit Priests. Immune to pain because of the floggings received in her teenage years-- well, we won't go there either. She did exchange training with the dark side so she's also familiar with various spells that will come handy at JUST the right time. Such as when Shane needs them.
Also, poor Abigal is having doubts about her vows of chastity. So is Shane. Doubts about her vows. He has long, soulful discussions with her about them in between gun battles while reloading. He really doesn't think they're good for the mission. Because that's what it's all about: revenging Agnes, damn it. And anything that's good for the mission, well. That's, uh, important. That's pretty much the extent of the depth of his argument.
So that's where things are.
Shane and Sister Abigal on the trail of the albino religious killer-- wait, that's been done. And we certainly wouldn't want to PLAGIARIZE someone else's book. That would be like, wrong, wouldn't it? That's like where you take something someone already wrote and you like write it and then say you thought of it. I think. Damn this like writing something original is some hard stuff. OK, no albino religious killer. We'll make him a, um, recovering junkie who pulls his own wisdom teeth out during recovery killer. Now that would be one bad-ass dude. He probably has like tattoos and stuff and would appear on Oprah. And he'd have the secret ability to break into a million little pieces and then reassemble himself when needed. That would be so cool. Wait, damn, that's been done too.
All right. We'll call the killer A Child Called It. Cool. I like that.
Shane and Sister Abigal vs It.
I used to love watching Godzilla vs Mothra and movies like that.
Where was I? Damn. It has been done too. All the cool stuff's been done.
We'll have to ensue more discussion.
46 Comments:
virgin blog. Now to go read it.
Wow, Bob. Packing some YEC there. And wouldn't we like to know what the backstory to this rant was.
Shane and Sister Abigail. Okay. Are they going up against Speen?
Godzilla vs Megalon is probably a more likely comparison to the plot your describing LOL.
Geez, the lengths some guys will go to in order to avoid writing a little YEX.
At least he still has a sense of humour.
Just write the scene, Bob, or we're going to have to re-hash that tedious literary theory about how there are only two stories anyway, and then Jenny will have to come slap us again. And she's already had a tough week.
bw
So if Shane happened to be of German descent you could title this opus "The Nun and the Hun."
Oh wait a minute. BlackAdder already did that one. Dang. Back to the blogging board.
gxoned - a new prescription medicine that fills you with sparkling, all-new plots. Side effects include suddenly wanted to whup your writing partner upside the head for no readily apparent reason, but hey, there's always something.
Bob - you, um, have, like quiet the way with, um, words, like you know? Does Sister Abigail live like in the valley? Or were the nujia's teenage mutants, like gage me with a pitch fork kind of thing, like, whatever.
Seriously, interesting concept, the sister abigal thing. You have an unusual imagination, or thought process, or like whaterve.
Very entertaining, can't wait to read Agnus and the Hitman because you know, Jenny will get her way. That is the nature of the beast, just works that way. I know because I'm a Jenny too. Just the way it is.
Bob, will you marry me?
Bob, you do have a vivid imagination!!!
I'm reading "Area 51, The Mission" right now...vivid!
What ever happened to "Lost Girls"?
Or is the Nun one of them?
Look out for Jennie...she has a keyboard.
uxqhwws green
usual (e)xpectant quotas have written words seriously
I love it when the dueling blogs really become duelling blogs!
Ahh Bob? You been taking that flu medication again? Bob?
I suppose you expect Abigail to take one (or 2) for the team as well?
Suggestion - go sit on your dock naked and breath a little. Hell take a gun and shoot something but leave our Agnes alone
jgslorv - jenny's gonna spew lorv
Ah, lets consider the definition of "taking one for the team" and how it was applied in DLD. There goes Abigail's lesbian nun status. Oh sorry, I just assumed we were back with the V-L-N-S-P-W-R-M device. I shouln't make assumptions that way. Bad CB.
Jenny must have told Bob he couldn't do something. Okay, Bob. You need to vent go ahead. We're here for you. Get it off your chest.
Said Talpianna:"Said Glamour-Geek: 'It's curtains for the curtains!'
Then she flung them off the curtain wall and, being a radical because of her lace-curtain Irish heritage, she fled behind the Iron Curtain and demanded political asylum."
Yes, this was 2 posts ago, but I couldn't let it slip by. Tal's allusions covering 12th, 19th, and 20th centuries humble me. So very, very cool! I'm jealous of your ability, but at least not envious.
Sigh. "Anybody need for me to explain infinity?" GatorPerson said in a little whiny meek voice.
Sigh. "Anybody need for me to explain infinity?" GatorPerson said in a little whiny meek voice.
Go ahead, dear. We CB's live to learn.
Bob did you run this past Jenny? Put it on the blog first huh? To see what we thought? Aren't you sweet...but now you are a dead man. I just saw Jenny hop in her car and head for the intercoastal waterway type island. You are in such trouble. You cannot kill off hermajor character without her consent. That, my dear man, is WORSE than plagerism. This isn't paranormal where they can come back from the dead. What were you thinking?
Reverse your position quickly, Robert. Agnes is sacrosanct. Gee, I love that word. I hope I use it properly.
Good luck, Bob. And I had such hope for you, too.
blue vzyfxb
Vocally, Zaza yecced Fabio & Xavier, Bob.
YEX was certainly implied with Sister Abigail, I have to say.
So displace a real, albeit fictional, woman with a one-dimensional fantasy woman?
hmmmmmmmmm.
"He has long, soulful discussions with her about them in between gun battles while reloading."
well, if he's going to have long, soulful discussions, let's leave it with Agnes, eh? and frankly, the plot of revenging one woman with the woman's sister and then having sex with said sister has been done. thank god. i'd rather have "the sensitive story of two pianists in Dubuque" than this Abigail.
and someone was wondering why we patronize Bob. it's rants like these, which scare us to no end. except for AlienEeeter. you want to marry the GAM? well, that i get, but after this post? are you really Bob in disguise? Bob? come out of hiding. we are taking this a lot calmer than Jenny will.
(tal & BCB have made me paranoid, that's all).
Bob, is the heat getting to you? Getting rid of Agnes .... tsk, tsk, tsk.
Bob, an author who is writing a character named Abigail ought at least to figure out how to spell her name! Have you been taking spellling lessssons from our Jen-T?
And shouldn't Shane return to his tribe and study to be a shaman until Abigail (we could call her "dear Abby") summons him to action?
Perhaps your villain could be an undead dead pirate? Captain Speen?
"He has long, soulful discussions with her about them in between gun battles while reloading."
If reloading takes them that long, I don't think they are going to last through many gun battles. (If you need further advice about military strategy, I'd be happy to oblige; I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery....)
Look...look...look! Up in the sky! Black birds, circling, circling--
deuanjrp -- Doherty evades usual ninjas; Jenny rends prose.
alieneeter? Umm, you might want to re-think that, dear. The man has a known association with sex equals death. There is no HEA. He'd just have to kill you. If Deb didn't do it first.
OH: What do you mean, Tal and I are making you paranoid? We didn't do anything. Tal, did we do anything to OH? Well, I know you keep trying, but I didn't do anything. OH, why are you talking about me that way? What are you planning? You really aren't going away with your mother next week are you? You're up to something, I can tell. I'll be keeping an eye on you, young lady...
Me? Paranoid? Geez. No time for that, what with all this plotting going on.
bw
I'm not doing anything to Orangehands except offering her a fabulous career opportunity and a nice cool external enema!
zdtgk -- Zaza, Doherty, Tal, & Glamour-Geek kill!
drditjf -- Doherty! Robert Doherty! If Tal & Jenny fail...
BCB & tal: you two are too cute. and you wonder why i lump you together like that...geez. it's a wonder i don't have a tin foil hat on my head and a shotgun in my hand, with duct-taped windows and hidden tunnels out of here.
Are you telling me you haven't made the proper preparations?! You are doomed, I tell you, doomed.
Oh, never mind, your whole state is going to squirm off into the ocean during the first wave of attack anyway. Just as well you don't take all the tin foil and duct tape with you. That stuff doesn't work underwater. Plus it's harmful to the marine biosphere.
You DO have your wet suit, oxygen tank and spear gun ready though, right?
bw
Don't worry, orangehands I keep telling you I've got your back! I will look after you. After all, I have the black eye patch with the cherries. Don't you remember? That is our secret SF group, all of whom are sworn to protect little old you!
Tal and bcb will be no match for our group. We have weapons to blow them up and dart guns and MIG jets and (come on Bob. Help me out here.)whatever it takes. I will get you out of that doomed state. Count on me. Don't forget our secret meeting at 0800 tomorrow. We launch at 0930.
blue hrtviwox
Have rival targets viewed in window optimum Xplosions.
Whoa! Now Tal and I are TARGETS? I wasn't threatening OH, just trying to make she is properly prepared. Knowing that you've got her back has lulled her into a state of complacency. It's right next to CA.
I'm all for setting up an airlift and getting her out of there before it's too late. It's difficult as all hell to requisition a helo, though.
[OH: have a great trip next week. please try to avoid the large areas that are on fire.]
bw
optvbask: only privileged turkey vultures bask
Scope Dope, you may have her back--but what if Darth and Morticia have got your eyeballs?
Threaten ME, will you!
lkqmjb -- Little kittens quit making Jenny burp.
Somebody recently confronted me with the theory that Americans and Europeans have a different sense of humor. Now I think that Bob has the European kind because I thought his post was really funny. It's just that most of the cherry bomb are American and it must be translated. Such as the long, soulful discussions during reloading. But as I have always been lacking as a simultaneous interpreter, I won't try.
But CBs, don't worry. I don't think he really means to hurt Agnes. He just means to provoke you.
tal: hey, hey, hey, you can't threaten scope dope, I have HER back, just likes she's got mine. plus, we have a GAM (her DH, and well, Bob's a soft spot, so probably him too) and CMS.
i am prepared, BCB, not to worry. apparently those helo SF guys that were delivering books will be free the week my state floats off- or drowns, we're taking bets- so not to worry. and i am an excellent swimmer, so no worries.
i remember scope dope. and thanks. :)
ok, good-bye, see you guys in a week. try not to TOTW while i'm gone. g-g: good luck with painting and bootcamp and the quad. scope dope: hope you do well and loving thoughts being sent to you. CMS: cheers. tal: i have a job, don't need another one. and i really wouldn't taste good, even with salt. JJ: stay away from Jaws, he may be on TV later this week. BCB: what can i say to you? here: hope you get a helo man. MCB: stay on top of Bob (geez, not like that). all the rest (cause there's too many to name, have a good week).
(i feel like i should be on a boat, waving at you all, going "i'll be home soon". of course, my luck it would be Titanic: Revenge of the Dead People, and i'd be sent through the Bermuda Triangle)
BCB turns to MCB: OH is so dramatic. what a teenager.
and the first question you can ask yourself is, why is OH up until 3 am when she leaves at five? dumb, dumb child. it's ok, mom's driving first. i'll take a nap.
colognegrrl wrote: ...Americans and Europeans have a different sense of humor. Now I think that Bob has the European kind because I thought his post was really funny.
Psst, colognegrrl, I'll tell you a secret: we thought it was funny, too. We know he was kidding and being provocative. He knows that we know. We know that he knows that... something. But you have to understand that we are kidding, too.
Think of it like this: Bob and Jenny give us toys (words). We play with them. We all have a different way of playing, but we're all playing. And kidding. And trying to be funny. Even when it sounds like we're serious. Next time you read a comment and think: I can't believe... stop right there, because we're most likely kidding.
Well, all of us except for RG, who says she doesn't understand American humour either, being from OZ. Of course, we can't believe half of what she says, since she also told us her voice was staid. Right. But it's ok, we're all chipping in to buy her an American dictionary so she can learn what those big words mean and then she can stop using them indiscriminately.
[RG: Nice job with the couch scene, BTW. Missed you over the weekend, welcome back.]
bw
Well, talpianna and bon cheri bomb I met with OH this am and she was launched at 0930...safely. So you are both off the hook. Consider all threats rescinded.
Talpianna Darth and Morticia have my eyeballs...so that's what happened to them. LMAO /;D
green ybmxk
Yec Bob, means (i)xnay killing.
colognegrrl: Well, BCB already said it so well. Yes we knew he was being funny. We just like to give Bob a hard time. He's like the older/younger brother we may or may not have but would love to pick on.
Agnes on the otherhand, doesn't seem to think its funny. Well I guess from her perspective its not. And she's vulnerable, being a fictional character and all, dependent on the whims of her creators. But Jenny has her back. It'll be okay.
BCB said: "We know he was kidding and being provocative. He knows that we know. We know that he knows that... something."
LOL! Reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey is the only one who "knows" about Monica and Chandler until Phoebe and Rachel find out and much "they know that we know that they know" follows.
BCB said: Right. But it's ok, we're all chipping in to buy her an American dictionary so she can learn what those big words mean
Heh heh. Well, more than a dictionary I think I need to learn more American expressions. I've lived here for years and never understood how my brain really thinks in Aussie language, until I started writing.
Have a great week OH, we'll miss your wise words. For one so young you are always spot on.
Cologne girl: yeah, Bob has that dry, Brit type humor. Probably sits around in his underwear watching re-runs of Fawlty Towers, and Black Adder, and sipping a Guinness.
Loved his version of "Valley girl speak." When I lived in L.A. the mall that made the movie and the language famous was my local Sherman Oaks Galleria. I had to drum it into my daughter that it was not acceptable language, and she listened, but to this day she can really do it well.
rg
oordds
oh, oh really, 44 dds?
OK, "dry Brit type humor" and Fawlty Towers and Black Adder - is that more dry Brit type humour? Because there are two types of British humour - the dry kind and the broad, absurd kind. It is into the latter category, I believe, that the two named shows fall.
I'm not sure into which category John Cleese's Revocation of Independence (written after a fairly recent presidential election) falls, but, for some reason, this discussion (both of humor and of Val-speak) made me think of it.
AgTigress: I'm very sorry about your father. I hope you are able to share some good time together.
I have no letters. This is a bad sign.
OK, I hit preview (which I always do, to proofread, especially if I've tried any html; it's embarassing how many errors make it through anyway!), then it gave me letters in a highly italicized blue: biqys
"Banana" indicates quaint yellow slugs (for OH, even though she's not here; for those of you who have forgotten, or never knew, the UC Santa Cruz mascot is the banana slug, a 4-6 inch long yellow slug, whose slime is reputed to be high in vitamin C; this tells you all you need to know about UC Santa Cruz).
Diane said ...
I'm not sure into which category John Cleese's Revocation of Independence (written after a fairly recent presidential election) falls, but, for some reason, this discussion (both of humor and of Val-speak) made me think of it.
LOL. I had seen that one before. If it weren't for the driving on the wrong side of the road thing, we might have gotten frustrated enough to beg England to take us back. But only if we get to keep our dental plans.
blue - bkvez: Brits keep virtually every zone
Just a piece of information. The oh great GAM of a neurologist I see used to go to school with John Cleese. Dr.Upton wrote skits for Cleese and they were "on the boards" together. I think that is how he said it or was it footlights? Oh I don't know. Just that this Doc is really funny and he says he had to make a decision and he chose medicine over comedy. But he is still funny.
iersaz blue
Individually everyone really sees all, Zaza.
Scope dope: trod the boards, maybe? I think I've heard that expression.
Well if he hung out with Cleese he must be a pretty funny guy. Very cool.
oputrfc: Opportunistic penguins utilize tax refunds for chocolate.
is that more dry Brit type humour?
Could be. Heh. But I'll never tell.
You are right though, Diane. These two shows mentioned are more like American slapstick humor, relying to an extent on the ridiculous, over the top, pratfalls, etc. But within those pratfalls, the comments, quips, dialogue, to me are smarter, sharper, drier, fewer words spoken to get the message across.
When I compare the Brit to the standard US sitcom, or an Aust sitcom I always prefer the British. (I'm Aussie by the way, not a Brit, but live in the U.S.)
I loved Seinfeld, though. I know, I know, I'm gonna get killed for that comment from all of you Seinfeld haters out there. (grin) But I found it to be amazingly funny (a show about nothing.) And I really liked the timing. I think good humor is always about the timing, the deliverance, just the right pause for effect.
Humor is very personal and a difficult thing to describe. I'm not putting down American humor, just saying what I personally enjoy.
And my alltime favorite, the opening scenes of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
rg
See, this is why I spend so much time here: mcb, I had no idea about the penguins! It opens so many questions: by whom are they taxed and on what? Who provides the chocolate and what kind is it? L.A. Burdick Chocolates makes penguins of dark chocolate and lemon ganache. Does this product fit in the concept?
It must be fun to have an amusing MD. I'm pretty sure that one treads the boards; footlights, though - is one behind them? Downstage of them? I suppose, in this context, one could share them with someone else.
pnhrnve: penguins never hoard refunds, nefarious vendors eliminate
Diane ... live and learn. This is an educational site after all. Were you with us for the whole penibus discussion? I can't recall. Anyway, I don't think the penguins of tax refund fame eat L.A. Burdick Chocolates ... smacks too much of cannibalism. But they look tasty to me.
Discussing Seinfeld, I liked the show. Some of the episodes were dumb or tacky. But some were pretty darned funny. And in some way they did remind me of Britcoms. I especially like the episodes where some little everyday thing was turned on its ear.
There's a definite difference between Brit and American humor. I can't put my finger on it, but I do know that when we try to import a show for American tv, its not nearly as funny as watching the original.
drkncs: Drunk raccoons knit nice carmine socks.
diane just read "Revocation of Independence". LMAO That is terrific. Thanks.
fkdnccc
Friend, killing Doherty needs complete Crusie certification.
He trod the boards, but Footlights was a sketch comedy group formed by students at Oxford. Douglas Adams was invited to join during Cleese's last year. In fact I think I read about Dr Upton (SDCB's medical GAM) in a biography of Adams. I keep meaning to ask but get sidetracked by Scope Dope's medical concerns. Sheesh. : )
to prove I'm not completely motivationally challenged I'll do a verification
blue kjlbph
kill jenny leisurely, bob pummels her
i had a kiss verification but didn't want to encourage the whole couple thing again
rg said "Have a great week OH, we'll miss your wise words. For one so young you are always spot on."
ok, mark this one down in CB History too. i want a record of all my compliments. must start a file when i get home.
i admit, rg, that i can do a very good impression of a valley girl. and that i have a friend who really does speak in valley girl. but the rest of us try to forsake "like" between every other word. because, that's, like, annoying.
diane: the banana slug is actually very cute. in cartoon version on the shirts.
Agtigress: sorry about your father.
never heard of any of these shows. oh well, i have enough TV things as it is. :)
red: eiikokq: a blue book that always tells you how to find the Equador
Ahh, OH working your way up from the bottom post huh?
Welcome home. Hope the whole college experience was a good one.You have a pretty campus up there on the bluff.
rg
uhgzm
u hate gross zany men
I don't think she's home yet ... I think she just popped in for a visit. But it was good to see you again OH. You've been missed.
missed you guys too. it was just for a few minutes, trying to do a little catch-up. (mom stopped at one of those internet places to check e-mail).
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