Warning: Some Violence and Much Strong Language.HE WROTE: Prisoner Exchange
Jenny and I, her and I, just swapped Acts One and Two of Agnes. It was like a prisoner exchange. We stood at either end of a long bridge in the middle of the night, fog swirling. Then we sent the Acts stumbling forward, blind-folded across the bridge past each other.
So now I have to read Act One and she has to read Act Two. Then we each write up our comments and questions and exchange those tomorrow. Then iron things out. Then I rewrite One and send it back to her. Then she does the same with Two. Then I restructure the plot, then she writes in Agnes' scenes in Two while I move forward into Three. At least that's the theory.
And Moot did a bad, bad thing in Act Two. No, she didn't eat Princess. But poor Rocko. As Shane thinks as he drives back to Wilkes: They don't make 'em like Rocko any more.
And Princess will be re-appearing in Act Three.
Meanwhile on Chasing the Dead I'm rewriting the opening scene and also adjusting Chase's back-story. The work is never done.
162 Comments:
Prisoner exchange! At least he didn't get close enough to Jenny to apply the killer pinky.
Woohoo! A new blog! Because it takes so long to load the comments on the old ones. :)
elambcb: BCB: is there something you're not telling us about elam?
But is there anything else you'd rather be doing that spinning dreamstuff of fog and a sore back and theoretical prisoner exchanges?
Ooooh. Thanks Bob! One has to wonder (well this one does) what would have happened if the acts and bumped into each other. Oh the Carnage! The Horror! Dangling participles and split infinitives all over the place! *shudder*
Okay, its out of my system now.
That brings the body count up to 3 so far, as near as I can tell. (Agnes gets on with a frying pay, Shane gets one by mistake because of bad intel from the Office of Super Secret Stuff), and now, apparently Moot gets one too. You must be happy.
Princess is reappearing. She must therefore have a role to play in the plot because "Everything Serves A Purpose."
Yeah! Princess doesn't get eaten by moot! Good girl moot. But now, is Rocko a bad guy? Because then that's okay if Moot eats the bad guy. Or does something like rip off the bad guys arm or something. And so happy Princess will be back. Princess Jen sighing in releif while cute little ducks swim about at her feet at the lake while she sits on a lounge chair working away. (BCB - get over it! Someone's got to live my life, might as well be me!)
Interesting about how the two of you exhange the Acts, work on the acts. I've read that paragraph now three times and I'm still amazed by the "therory" of how it's supposed to work. Although, I imagine that once you open said documents, all sorts of interesting expressions come out of your mouths. Um, Bob, duck, Jenny's got a frying pan.
g-g - Bob may have a killer pinky, but Jenny can handle herself with Bob, this I've seen first hand.
LMAO! I can just see it.
I think trouble is about to ensue. I hope they share some of it with us.
JenT: You need to stop gloating about your day at the lake, or I will be forced to use the Secret of Elam.
(G-G: I have no idea, but I'll think of something.)
bw
MCB...
Didn't Agnes also get one with a fork in the neck?...I seem to remember reading that.
Those dark and dreary bridges...makes for good reading.
Good-on for Moot...eat away on the villians.
Starting Bob's "Area 51..The Legand"
vcmxizss blue
various Crusie moves (e)xist in zebra's silent survival
or whatever
JT: one is tempted to point out that if there are cute little ducks in the lake, there are unlikely to be ugly large sharks there as well.
BCB and MCB: Turns out San Francisco is about 130 miles closer to Hawaii than LA. You should just drive to the Bay, as per your first plan, and then kayak from there. I'll be on the WEST side of Maui, by the way, though I suppose you could land at Hana and try to hitchhike across the island. Or maybe not, considering the attention you two like to draw to yourselves.
The drive shouldn't be bad, just take I-80 all the way west and stop before you submerge the car. Well, the drive shouldn't be bad if you don't head NORTH to Canada or SOUTH to Mexico and if you don't insist on stopping to drop in for dinner with every cherrybomb along the way. That said, you two should probably get going soon. I leave in about a month.
crizkovh: famous Russian playwright/spy
Louis - I think she goes after her ex-fiance with the meat fork but I don't recall it being fatal. Though - hmmm long tynes, jugular vein ... could be.
Glamour-Geek - 130 mi. is a LOT in a kayak, but we'll keep it in mind. And we'll land wherever there's land. One can't be too picky when crossing the Pacific in a kayak.
Bad bad naughty Moot. Did she light the Grail Shaped beacon? (If I am the only Python fan on here I'll throw a fit and fall it)
I hate to burst anyone's bubble about cute white ducks = no gray ugly sharks but ... sharks don't eat that often. There would still be ducks. And the shark that also is most likely to attack and then actually consume a human is the Bull shark. And that puppy can swim in fresh water. There's a popluation on them in a lake in Peru (I think its Peru) and they've been found in the Mississippi River and frequent the Ganges in India. They think it's the shark that killed five people in one day in New Jersey back in 1908 or there abouts. Have fun swimming Jen-T. You do not hear music, you do not hear music.
Ya know, I never recovered from seeing Jaws. I won't even get in the tub if the water is murky. No bubble baths for me.
I think Agnes has at least attacked someone with a fork in the neck. Don't remember if it killed. And it looks like they are doing charcter development on Princess. Well, crap. She might tunr out to be not quite airheaded after all.
Now I'm going to back check the other threads and head back to Twety Bird before her Baby Newton DVD is over.
Love the visualization. The bridge, the swirling fog, stumbling acts. And that tiny tease of information about the book. Ah, Bob. So kind.
Have written/rewritten 4100 words so far today. Debating whether to include a scene or not or maybe put it at a different point in the book. Did strengthen the antagonist's part. That's a good thing. I was sitting in a session at National when the lightbulb went off and I realized the person I thought was the antagonist wasn't. The real antagonist is much better and was already in the book from the first few pages.
I think I'm going for a walk.
dqkobiji blue: This has a b and a j so I ought to try it.
Deadly quills kill outsiders Bob interjects Jenny impartially.
Yup Agnes put a fork in someone's neck. Good imaagery Bob. Thanks for the post. It gives us a clean slate. Bob I am having trouble with my WIP. Want to collaborate? Or Jenny How about you? What is a fifth book amongst friends? I'll help you with your and you help me with mine. Okay?
blue qtjtw
Quickly take Jenny's time writing.
Sounds confusing, but it seems to work for you guys. Just keep writing!
mofzvbq (red)
Mother of Zeus! Ve blog quietly.
I like the visual on teh prisoner exchange- Was it in Rio Bravo (although it could have been Rio Lobo or El Dorado since those three are all basically the same movie) where Dean Martin gets kidnapped and jumps over the bridge during the prisoner exchange? Whichever one it was it has one of the best shoot em up scenes with dynamite and everything.
Off to work on the bathroom some more. Who said this place was move in ready? And how did the previous owners live here so happily? (ps.I have pics up on the blog now)
CC: who in their right mind puts carpet in kitchens and bathrooms? My parents old place in Austin, TX, before they moved had carpet in the guest bathroom. Huh?
House is adorable, by the way. I hope you are very, very happy in your new home.
When I was in jr. high and we moved into a house in Jacksonville, FL, there was (I kid you not) orange, green and brown SHAG carpet in the kitchen. My father's first act was to take down the hideous chandelier in the dining room, which one of the movers loved so we gave it to him instead of a tip. That was one happy man. The second act was to pull out his pocket knife and cut the carpet in the kitchen at the threshold between that and the family room (also in the same shag) and pull it up from the other side.
There, beneath truly greasy, disgusting kitchen shag was...REAL terazzo stone, same as in the entry hall. Yes folks, someone had covered gorgeous, cleanable stone with '70s shag. Presumably because the bad part about the terazzo was when you dropped a dish, it was a goner and you'd have to clean up shattered pottery or glass from all over the kitchen and the two rooms to either side.
G-G I lived in an apartment once that had carpet throughout, kitchen bathroom everywhere. I hated it. Dropped an egg in the kitchen and knew part of it always remained in that carpet. Yuck. And the bathroom. EEUUWW. Great bookcases though.
I love your house CC. We can have some great parties on that patio. I remember you did invite us:)
CC
Your house looks great!
I noticed the "reading room" has a bookcase...convient.
Your lawn looks fine...compared to some of ours...weeds up to two feet.
I need to get the riding mower out.
blxpivb blue
Bob's latest (e)xploit proves it's very believable
blogger, blogger
tgpoffo green
thank god people often follow freely others
blogger, blogger
obumaeq blue
or better until many are easily quoted
CG your new is house is too sweet. Re the bathroom, I recommend a really large mirror on that left wall to give you more sense of width. And there's gotta be something useful you can do with that high ceiling. How tall are you? Maybe some shelving? Maybe not - don't want to take anything away from what little width you've got.
Dinner was lovely. There might be enough roast beef left over for one sandwich. They ate so much food they had no room for more than one taste of pie. DS21 informed me they will be driving back through Tuesday night and he'd eat it then. Then he told me to not let anyone touch it until he got back. And I swear I didn't see it coming, but his sister reached out and poked her finger in it. I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair. They all exchanged worried looks. DS said: Geez, mom, it wasn't that funny. DD said: It probably has something to do with that stupid blog she's always reading. DS again: Mom, you are so weird.
Yep.
DD is currently listening to a CD from The John Butler Trio who she says are from Australia. Anyone down there heard of them? Interesting music.
bw
ooeofa: the sounds the kids made after dinner
BCB: ROTFL Great kids.
blue fckjhgn Nope not touching that one.
Sadly, I'll assume no Monty Python fans. (dejected sobs)
Who puts carpet in a kitchen or bath? What are they thinking? A friends sister-in-law put carpet in her kitchen adn then asked my friend to feed her 18 mth old baby OUTSIDE on the patio so the food wouldn't get on her carpet. My friends brother just went along with it. I would have peed on her carpet in the middle of the night and blammed it on raccoons, if it had been me.
BCB: glad dinner went well. Nothing like stuffed people crawling away from your table with their bellies touching the ground to make you feel like a good cook :0)
Glad to hear Moot isn't going hungry.
Also glad to hear the U.N. wasn't needed to facilitate the prisoner exchange. But I suppose that comes after you've rewritten each other's acts.
(sorry if this logged twice, my computer's giving me fits)
I vote that we ban any and all mentions of shag rugs from this blog. We have Standards, no? (Well probably no, but I had to try.)
Kyra, I saw a tag line on someone else's (work) email once and I longed to steal it, but I didn't quite dare. It was:
"Can't I just have a little peril?"
p.s. Thanks for the whiskey! (hic) Scope Dope kept trying to "borrow" it, but somehow the level in the bottle was suspiciously lower each time it came back. Tsk. Can't trust the innocent-looking ones.
nqvnt - what your aquavit looks like after certain thirsty CBers have come for a visit
Kyra:
Bring out yer dead.
G&T
KTR: Dry up and bring me a shrubbery. I'm not dead yet.
bw
kyra sez: Sadly, I'll assume no Monty Python fans. (dejected sobs)
Oh, we're here. We're just to lazy to say we're here. :)
But with BCB to feed us, we need not worry about eating the minstrels.
Pass that pie over here someone. Looks like the beginning of another party. Are those brownies I see over there? Since I can only have the virtual ones, I might as well fill up.
ixbchtd: wasn't he a character in the Headless Horseman?
I wasn’t going to say anything, figured it was probably nothing, but... (since G-G asked, it’s her fault)
At Nationals I rode down the escalator behind Jenny one day, who was distracted by the sight of Bob standing at the bottom, tapping his foot impatiently, looking pointedly at his watch. Neither of them noticed the piece of paper that drifted to the floor in their wake as they rushed off to their next workshop. Being on my best behavior I picked it up, intending to return it, when I realized it was written in French. I decided someone else must have dropped it and stuffed it in my bag. Well, I’ve finally had time to translate the thing and am very disturbed (not like that, geez). My HS French is pretty rusty, as I haven’t used it in a couple decades, but-- well, you all read it and tell me what you think:
//
Rene LaFavre stared at the bounteous display in front of him. "Welcome to temptation," he thought, disgusted by how easily he’d been distracted. The distinctive ring of his cell phone brought the rest of his anatomy to attention.
"Sorry, darlin', got to go," he said to the tightly t-shirted woman as he stepped away and answered the phone with smooth, economical movements. His expression was implacable as he listened. "When have I ever let you down, mon frere?" The rugged planes and angles of his handsome face were intent as he pulled out a PDA and quickly entered some data.
"I will leave tonight," he said as he walked to his truck.
* * *
LaFavre stared at the graceful lines of the house situated on the bank of the Ohio River, wondering whether he'd made a mistake. This was the home of a would-be killer? He gave a Gallic shrug as he approached the front door, rang the bell. Only one way to find out, and he'd always favored the direct approach.
A tall, wildly disheveled woman of indeterminate years answered the door. She stood there glaring at him, her look one of half-mad challenge, with what appeared to be a large kitchen fork held in a tight grasp. The other hand was braced on the door frame, as if to stop herself from launching an attack on the intruder. He figured maybe he was at the right place after all.
"And you are--?" the woman demanded.
LaFavre favored her with his most charming smile, the one guaranteed to melt the coldest of hearts. "Do I have the pleasure of addressing The Cher-ee?” He took the dramatic eye roll as confirmation. “I am Rene LaFavre. My good friend JT has sent me to you. He thought perhaps I could be of some assistance?"
The woman was obviously not charmed, if her deepening scowl was any indication. "JT Wilder? Sent you here? To my home?"
LaFavre nodded agreeably, impressed by her powers of deduction.
"That son of a bitch."
She turned and marched off toward the back of the house, muttering something about how not even 600 miles was far enough to protect him this time. Perhaps the woman was deranged? No matter, he had a job to do and he, Rene LaFavre, had never failed a mission.
"Mlle. Cher-ee, perhaps if you would let me explain," he said, closing the front door and following the woman down the hall to what appeared to be a room devoted to the study of chaos theory. "JT said you had a woman you wanted Frenched. It is not my usual method, you understand, but I am here to offer my services."
The woman turned on him, magnificent in her fury. "What did you say?"
He shrugged. "Word has gotten out that you want a certain woman, name of Needles, taken out by the French method." He had a brief flashback as he said the woman's name -- a memory of a dank, dark cellar and a mysterious woman, her tall, boyishly slim figure concealed beneath a hooded cloak -- but disregarded it as the trick of an overtired mind. He’d been on one too many missions without a break. "I must tell you, however, I do not favor the out-dated methods of my ancestors."
He watched as the woman turned an alarming shade of crimson, her mouth opening and closing without making a sound.
"The French Method?" she finally choked out.
“Mais oui. The guillotine, vous comprendez? While a marvel of efficiency, she is such a cumbersome thing. I much prefer the modern ease and portability of le garrote. Makes the clean up so much easier. Bien sur, if you insist on tradition, I will make every effort to please. I am at your service."
He gave his most gallant bow and, while prepared to take one for the team, angled his head up far enough to keep a wary eye on that fork.
"Let me get this straight." The woman was incandescent in her anger. Absolutely adorable. "JT Wilder sent you to "French" Needles for me?"
"Oui. Exactement. I owe JT my life and I always pay my debts. Do not worry, Cher-ee, I am a professional.”
He didn't trust the sudden gleam in the woman's eyes as she gestured toward a chair in front of her desk, the only cleared surface in the room.
"Have a seat, Monsieur LaFavre. You and I are about to have a little tete a tete."
He felt the hair rise on the back of his neck as The Cher-ee stalked around to sit in her desk chair, placed the sharp-tined fork next to the oddly battered keyboard, and began rifling through the precariously stacked papers until she found the one she wanted. She handed it to him with a flourish and an evil smile, her right eye twitching almost imperceptibly. JT had said she was a bit difficult, but LaFavre was starting to suspect his friend had a talent for understatement.
Though every instinct was screaming at him -- don’t look down -- his gaze was drawn to the paper against his will. On it were scrawled several sets of initials and odd names, dozens of them, with cities, states and, in some cases, countries written next to each one.
Code names? Locations of hits? Who the hell had this many enemies?
He eyed The Cher-ee with new respect. It appeared he was going to be kept very, very busy satisfying this woman.
"Forget about Needles," The Cher-ee said, rubbing her hands together in apparent glee, "I can handle her. I've got more urgent business. I need this wrapped up by December 31. Dead-lines are just hell, but this is one I am determined to meet."
//
As I said, I found it very disturbing. Because I think blogger misspelled “elam” earlier. I think it was supposed to be “elim.”
Whose turn was it to keep an eye on LaFavre?
[obviously, today was my designated play day and I'm making the most of it, damn it]
bw
I like Monty Python. My son does great Monty Python impressions. Makes me laugh every time.
I won't touch your Aquavit or your Rye so I don't know who could have been doing that....Well maybe a little rye, sometimes. I like Bloody Caesars though, so lock up your vodka and Clamato juice folks. And I am dying to try that specialty coffee "Siberian Dutchmen" because it is both chocolate And mint.
Bon Cheri Bomb that dinner was excellent. Thank you very much. I was going to have another piece of pie until your DD put her finger into it. Then forget it. Sorry I had to rush out while you were ROTFL but I had to get home.
I had to at least look at what my critique partners had written don't you know. I had to wait until I could get them printed off. They work hard, my readers.
Going to bed. Good Night everyone. Hic. Oops! /,D
fymvqyg
For your manuscript various quotes (make) you great.
BCB: You didn't tell me about the paper at Nationals! Oh boy, when I was walking I heard a deep strangely accented voice asking directions. Could it be?
Love the story.
Mary: No, it's too perillous (sp?)
Other Python fans : I feeeelllll happppeeeeee! And I taunt you a second time.
BCB: I laughed so hard at the story that I passed ROFL and went straight to peeing on myself. My husband just came in to find me snorking and drooling on the keyboard with mirth. But where is the hot sex?
Tweety cry! Must go!
KTR: Happy to have returned the favor. [grin] And we must leave something to the imagination. Especially since The GAM is under the delusion that PG-aged children read this blog over their mother's shoulders. We try to humour him.
bw
BCB - Hey! you didn't show me that paper - you holding out on me again! And no, I won't stop gloating, so there! - it was a lovely day, But sigh, I'm back in good old rottenchester. I left the ducks to fend for themselves. Back to face the family, dirty kitchen, screaming children and a DH who wants attention.
Isn't Bob cute? He gets angry with Jenny for giving away clues and then he blogs on and teases us with Moot and the Princess.
My DS25 and DS22 and DH are MONSTROUS Monty Python Fans. The whole knights who say "Nee" thing just sets them all off. We own all the movies in VHS and DVD. In 3 sets, one for each of them. Oh yes, we know Monty Python here...
I also love Bob's hope of how the writing is supposed to go "in theory." Trouble is sure to ensue and he may end up getting pushed off of that bridge yet.
My Dad brought me fresh Peaches so it is Bellini's for everyone!!!
Hi ya'll. Tweety is wide awake and yet more teeth are emerging. Pity me ... woe, woe, woe.
see ya later alligator, afterwhile crocadile, have a hoot, visit moot.
So, Ms. Bon Cheri,
If Monsieur Le Favre shows up on your doorstep with chocolate and sundry comestibles, would that make you Bon Bon Cheri? Or if he takes you out for a night on the town, does that mean you'd change your name to Bon Temps Cheri?
Kyra,
See you soon, baboon!
Ms. Mary, if LaFavre shows up on my doorstep he can call me whatever the hell he wants.
But I think I've discovered The Cherry's plan to end the blog that wouldn't die. Comprendez?
Nee!
bw
xfimphd: new Doctorate: Expert In Financial Madness
Glamour-Geek said... JT: one is tempted to point out that if there are cute little ducks in the lake, there are unlikely to be ugly large sharks there as well.:
Haven't you heard of the latest shark trick--disguising themselves by wearing rubber duckies on their heads?
BCB--who needs the GAM and The Cherry when we've got you!
---Mole, prepared to be burned as a heretic
uirlxk -- The newest member of the UN, United Ireland and Lexington, Kentucky
Geez, Tal. That's probably the most effective way to ensure I'll never write another word.
How much did they pay you?
bw
Bon Cheri Bomb...
You and Le Favre....excellent, excellent!
That's probably a good description of how harried Jenny is right now...with Bob, us, the writing...Le Favre, .....whatever.
I think there is a small shop on the bait dock that sells rubber duckies....
beiml blue
bothered every interval, make lively
Kyra the Red said...
I would have peed on her carpet in the middle of the night and blammed it on raccoons, if it had been me.
Oh, you definitely came to the right list. ;+))))
bcb, love your Le Favre installment! How can anyone top that???
qhbgm (red)
Quit hogging Bob's GAM medal!
Kyrathered - Believe it or not - someday, when she's like 15, you will miss those days. They grow up way too quickly. My DD15 loved tweety bird as a kid and still sleeps with her tweety bird blanket and stuffed animal - although she tries to hide it from me. Hard to believe that she used to sleep on my chest, now she's as tall as me. Sigh, I won't survive college with any of my kids.
And to everyone - thanks you all jinked me! Last night youngest child had a bad dream and do you know what that dream was? he dreamt a shark eat mommy! How horrible. He cried for a half hour then slept with us! Thanks guys, it's all your fault for trying to ruin Princess Jen's perfectly nice afternoon with the duckies.
BCB - back of LaFavre - he's mine! You get Moot's leftovers! (just kidding, geez stop controting your face like that, it's not very ladylike). Yeah, I'm in rare form this morning. Went out with my CP's last night and well, it was a long night.
JenT: CP? Sorry you had such a broken night with your son's bad dreams. How's DD's arms. They really grow up too fast don't they?
Robin - I'm assuming your asking what CP stands for - Critique Partner. Although, it was just a much deserved dinner outing, since we didn't get much done in the way of work. But we did laugh a lot and this is good. And our kids weren't underfoot, that is even better.
Daughter's shoulder is the same. She's taking advil around the clock, but she too was up last night with some pain. I made the appointment with the specialist for this thrusday. The hardest part is that tonight is the tryout for the elite team and her spirits are down. That really gets to a mom because I want to make it all better, but there is nothing I can do. She's going to talk to the coach and bring her letter of recommendation, but this guy has never really seen her play, so who knows. But, she can't play and she knows it. It hurts to even use the type on the computer. Okay, off to take middle child to the golf course, then I'm going to write for a few hours. See you all later.
smeck - the sticky crap children seem to get all over themselves then bring it into the house.
BCB: Hilarious. With results like that, I'm seriously wishing you had more designated play days.
What if we appeal to his vanity? Explain to LaFavre that we are his biggest fans and would be the ones buying and reading the sequel he stars in. (Not mentioning that without the support of the Cher-ee there may be no sequel of course.)
Note to KTR: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
fkburg: The place Theresa will move after Scotland.
BCB, hon. There was another page. I found it laying under the passenger seat in your car. Meant to give it to you but the high speed chase across state lines put it right out of my mind. Sorry.
~~~
"Dead-lines are just hell, but this is one I am determined to meet."
And The Cher-ee looked determined. She was adorable, now that she had put down the meat fork; but nonetheless LaFavre was wary of the glint in her eye as she continued to speak.
"Okay, I can handle the ones close to home myself. I've got my past research around here ... somewhere," she glanced around the room hesitantly and then shrugged. "Anyway, I know how to set up an 'accidental' electrocution and even how to dispose of the body. So that's covered. But its the others. I've still got three freaking books to get done and those damn essays I promised. I don't have time to go globe-trotting at the moment."
"Oui, I understand" LaFavre nodded. "And where should I begin?"
"I'd tackle the Mole and the Tigress first. They're the backbone, but they are also going to be the hardest to get to, the most clever. And these two," she pointed to two sets of initials on the page, "these two will be tricky since they're never in one place for long."
"Smart," muttered LaFavre. "A target that stays mobile is harder to track."
"Not these two," The Cher-ee smiled. It was a smile that made even LaFavre's battle-weary soul uneasy. This was the maniacal grin of one who had been pushed just a little too far. "These two can be tracked. All you need is a police scanner."
The Cher-ee sat back in her chair, grabbed a handful of hair and tugged, not so gently, before glancing at her watch. "I don't have much time, I'm due to exchange prisoners on the bridge at midnight." Seeing LaFavre's puzzled looked, she flapped her hand as if waving that statement away. "Nevermind."
"So, I get the Mole and the Tigress and then track these other two. What then? Any particular order for the rest of them?" LaFavred queried.
"In no particular order, but I'd tackle that one in Rochester while the weather holds. Spends a lot of time at the lake, that one. Should be easy to arrange something." She paused, thinking. "And from there you might as well get the Canadians, as long as you're in the neighborhood."
~~~
And that's where it ends.
So long as he's up in the NorthEast, I'm not worried. Maybe McB and Bon Bon could pose as his chauffeurs. With their gift for misdirection, he'll probably end up in Portugal instead of Poughkeepsie. :)
MCB - Oh, I'm getting tackled by LaFavre - hmmm, sounds like fun. I'll distract him with my, well, um, I'll think of something. Oh, LaFavre, I'm waiting.
mboqqapv - move Bob, otter quack quacks at point vecter.
You know, Princess Jen could hold LaFavre hostage and then we could use it as leverage to keep the blog going.
Yeah, Yeah, I'm getting back to writing. Shutting off the internet as we speak.
Oh sure, "get the Canadians". Forget it, the Canadians will just charm him with their niceness but not being gun-toting varmints they may be easiest to get. oh my whatever should I do. Who has my back? mcb and bcb can't help me since he is going to get them first. orangehands do you have any plans to help me? I didn't see you on the list yet. Maybe we could hide in Hawaii with glamour geek? What do you say? This needs an answer ASAP. We need to protect jen-t and cherry magic sheryl too.
I know! I will just change my name to Scooped up Cherry bum or one-eyed scope dope and he won't be able to find me. /,D
blue wcoiank
While Cher-ee organizes I am not killed.
green ogkuvcf
Organizing girls killings under verifications Cherr-ee fumes.
Okay, here's the plan. Bon Bon, put all the obviously authentic (since well written) stray pages in a safe deposit box, with instructions that if anything unpleasant happens to anyone on the list, the pages will be published in every newspaper between Ohio and the Carolinas. Then send a note to the writers letting them know that we know what they know, and Jenny's your aunt.* No worries.
*Or, if you're living across the pond, I suppose you could say "Bob's your uncle." Always thought that was one of the odder British expressions.
Talpianna, the Crispin novel you were thinking of is titled Love Lies Bleeding. I liked that one too.
And guys, stop repressing Lori already, huh? bloody peasant
Tal - the earlier references to Crispin had me checking this weekend. None at my local library but there are a few at other county libraries so I'm going to do an ILL. Its been so long I barely remember them now, so I'm looking forward to getting reacquainted.
BCB...
If you are not published, you should be...
The Chronicles of Le Faver continues...
With great expections...
JenT and CP can lead him astray and get him confused about sharks...
katmu blue
kindly attack the mutual universe
I can see it now. LaFavre falls victim to Jen-T's DD: frustrated because she can't play hockey, she beats the &#$^&$% out of this random intruder with her hockey stick instead. Thereby saving the free world for cherrybombs everywhere.
You people are nuts. I really, really like you all.
GG - oh that just made my day! I just let my DD read your comment, then explained how this fictional character was coming to get her mom. She ran out to the garage got her hockey stick and yelled. "Bring it on LaFavre. I'll show you. Never mess with girl hockey players." The laughed as she dropped her stick and said. "Why whould I save you from him. You won't buy me my own cell phone." she smiles. "Well, if you get me my own cell phone, with a camera, text messaging and internet capabilities, well, then I just might think about it, otherwise, mom, you are toast."
Back to trying to distract LaFavre. Any other suggestions? Quick, I see movement across the road. Could he be here already? I better go get ready.
Jen-T: Find a table and start dancing.
Louis said..."BCB...If you are not published, you should be..."
Amen.
Mary muttered..."bloody peasant"
Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see her repressing me? You saw her, Didn't you?
If I wasn't leaving work, I could go all day.
BCB and MCB Priceless, just priceless!! :) :) :) :)
I'm probably fairly low on the hit list, but do you think it could be arranged for LaFavre to take me out, say, the day before I defend my dissertation, whenever that will be.
Theresa in Pgh
Theresa - I'll let LeFavre know. he's hiding in my bushes, but I think the bunnies have scared him a tad.
And, what is Pgh - I keep thinking Poughkeepsie? Maybe? My DH spends a lot of time there. One of his biggest accounts is IBM.
jtuhefu - JT under handed highly electric fundue.
Lori - I'm dancing! But it's not helping.... help....I'm....
Geez Jen-T, not The Charleston. He's used to a little more bump and grind.
(BTW: The I could go all day~ not a challenge. It's just something my bros and I do in the car while waiting for my dad. Just slipped out.)
Jen-T, also known as Princess Jen, formally known as JupitorJen, also formally known as JTslim has been taken hostage. Not giving her back.
Geez. Forget about getting fired, I'm going to have to quit my job so I can stay home and play all day.
MCB: Thanks for finding that other paper. Atlanta was so crazy I just lost track.
Question: If LaFavre catches up with The Mole, would that be a Grand Tal Seizure?
And I think we can breathe easy for a while. Not only is the man highly distractible, I've heard a rumour that The Cher-ee has been innundated with calls and emails from women wanting to be Frenched by LaFavre. Bless their hearts. Looks like we'll have to wait our turn.
I'm going to go practice being very, very nice, just in case. You all can call me Tres Bon Cheri. Do you suppose, what with being of French ancestry and all, he knows about le petit mort?
Just asking.
bw
Right, I'm laying odds on Jen-T taking out Lafavre at 20:1. any takers?
Jen: Try the hula, it might distract him. Then he sleeps with the ducks.
What's your dissertation on Theresa?
I can't believe LaFavre and jen-t are hooking up. He doesn't even worry about her being married. That guy... I wish I was like him.
ohrsl - Oh hell, real slow link.
BCB: giggles and tee hee on le petite mort. I think it would depend on where he frenched :0)
I wouldn't mind Davy Dempsey coming after me, come to think of it.
JenT: Have the kids taken over your laptop? I guess we'll know if a ransom note comes through for a cell phone.
louis & lori, et al -- thanks for the kind words. Amazingly, most publishers seem to want something other than strange blog comments for publication. Go figure. Working on it.
bw
Jen-T - Pgh is short for Pittsburgh. Which I can spell, except I'm lazy. Poughkipsee? Pookeepce? Nope.
Kyra the Red - My dissertation. Well. Let's see. I guess you could say that it's on getting computers to recognize when someone is being snarky in what they write. :)
Ok, maybe not snarky. That's probably too hard, but not far off. It's on the automatic recognition of opinions and emotions in text. Never fear, my data is news articles, not blog data. Although blogs are a very, very hot new area of research in my field.
So has there been a ransom note yet for Jen-T? I don't know what it might be asking for, but I have some very nice dark chocolate with lavender and blueberrys that I could possibly be persuaded to donating for the cause.
Theresa in Pgh
blud kavdi: sounds like an Indian goddess
Listen y'all, even if the page is only in German I have to turn your attention to www.moncheri.de which stands for an alcohol-soaked cherry covered with chocolate. Absolutely delightful.
"Sommerpause" means that it's not for sale during summer - they've been doing this for years, the stuff is only sold in the cooler months of the year. So we'll have to hold out for 18 more days but then I'll use it to lure LaFavre over to Europe and hm, you're safe. That's how I plan to take one for the cherry bomb team.
I believe we need to call the SF special delivery guys and send them to rescue JenT. Love that your DD is holding your rescue hostage for a cell phone. Fifteen year olds keep their priorities straight.
So Tres Bon Cherie, of course he knows about le petit mort. He's of French descent n'est pas. But I forsee an interesting "discussion" of the term when he catches you and MCB by listening to the scanner.
This is the most creative group of people I have ever not met. I am waiting anxiously to hear the fate of JenT and where Le Favre will head next. So happy that I'm a quiet little mouse here in VA. Oh, the man with the strange accent last evening was just a Northerner trying to imitate a Southern accent. Bad, really bad. He could probably get a job on a TV show.
AntiTigress, Tal, check in please so we can be sure he hasn't taken you out.
Cologne Girl: alcohol soaked cherries with chocolate. Yep, that's us.
And I really really want to hear you drawl a southern "y'all" with a German accent.
No ransome not yet, hmmm. The kids are probably having a hard time deciding which phone they want. I'm not worried, though. Eventually someone will need a ride somewhere and then Jen can make her escape.
MESSAGE TO SHE FROM ANONYMOUS - Jen-T has been, well, she wouldn't take one for the team and she's got lots of friends, big friends, really big friends and they sort of got in the way. So I had to save my own hide. But, I'll be back for that one, she's got a vibrating bed! And I won't fail. Failing is not apart of the mission. She'll be gone by the end of the year, no worries.
Doing recon, I'll check in later and let you know who's next.
Well, now that was close. Too close. That guy is not only deadly, he's well... nevermind. And, can you believe it, my daughter was actually in cohoots with him. Something about how my DD reminded him of Pepper and he had to get to Peppers wedding. He tried to hog tie me to the minivan to get my daughter a cell phone, can you believe it! Anyway, my youngest son, 9, has half his hockey team over, and well, they are maniacs and they scared LaFavre away, so watch out you Canadians, he might be heading your way.
Now, just so you all don't think I'm a mean mommy, we do have a thrid cell phone that daughter and middle child share, but it's broken. LaFavre was nice enough, after he lost to a bunch of 9 year olds, to take us to Verizon to get the phone fixed, but sigh, it can't be, so, she gets my phone and I get hubbie's old one, and everyone is happy, but poor LaFavre. How humiliating to lose to a bunch of little, tiny boys. I hope he recovers soon. he really is a nice guy. I think he's just a little misguided. Something about having to take out some people so something wonderful can come to an end. But I don't think his heart is in the mission. I think he's looking for somethingh, someone....
Damn, jen-t had him in her sights and let him go. She must really love that DH.
Which CBs live in or near New York?
You might be next.
rlniwudi - No, really, I would!
Blogger telling me that wasn't a good one. Let's try again.
cbjiujs - CB Jen is un-justly set (free)
Just for the record, MCB, I might not be able to pull off a true southern drawl 'y'all' but I have it on good authority that I do not have a German accent when I speak English. When I am in Britain, people tend to think I am American and when I come to the States, they discuss where I'm from (Kansas City?) but never guess Germany. I don't know if this is a reason to be proud but I must admit I am.
CG - well I'd be proud. I have a friend who left Wisconsin 30 years ago and can't shake her accent. Well she thinks she has but she still says "Wiscaaaansin".
I'm guessing a lot of it is because you speak very good English (judging by your writing). Any discrepancy in pronuciation would be ascribed to some kind of regional accent. And we've got a lot of those (though dwindling now sadly).
ColongeGrrl,
I have the opposite problem. I'm a natural mimic... so without intending to I start to speak with an accent that approximates the one I'm hearing.
Once, while visiting my parents in Scotland, my mother told all her neighbors I was from "Southern" Scotland as I had started to speak with a Scottish accent. I was living in South Carolina at the time.
theresa wrote: It's on the automatic recognition of opinions and emotions in text. Never fear, my data is news articles, not blog data. Although blogs are a very, very hot new area of research in my field.
Now why did this strike me as just hilarious? You aren't by any chance doing research on us, are you? You poor thing. And bless your heart, too.
Does your system allow for regional and cultural differences? Because we sure could have used it a few times in the past months. It would come in handy up in Minnesota, too, but I'm not convinced even the most sophisticated system could detect opinions and emotions in that state.
PLEASE do let us know if ever a system is developed that can analyze the text on this blog. And really, I think you need to -- what did you call it? -- defend your dissertation to us. Sort of as a trial run. We'll keep LaFavre away long enough for you to finish. Ok, we'll try.
Umm, Bryan, you do realize the man is not trying to "take us out" in the sense of a date, right? Because you're one of us, too. Although I believe you live close enough to The Cher-ee that you should perhaps be more concerned about her.
RSS: I think you are waaay past the stage of plausible deniability, what with all the fraternization going on in Atlanta. Don't let your guard down.
And I know OH is getting ready for school and all, but she sure has been absent a lot. Earning quite a bit of detention time, I believe. A sign of things to come? We miss you, OH!
Back to work. Sigh.
bw
pkogggc: package of glamour-geek's gregorian chants
Hey anonymous "no worries"? What is that accent I hear...hmmm sounds familiar. rg are you home or at least on line? Sure isn't French, my man. Are you just trying to confuse us so we let our guard down. I know French when I hear it. I am Canadian, eh! I am watching for you LeFavre. I was counting on jen-t's DD but she let me down. Oh well, do your worst. I am ready for you. I have firefighter friends that will protect me.
TIME OUT for Nice Stuff
Like I said once before CBs ROCK, led by the Cherry and the GAM.
Jenny and Bob, jen-t, rss,bcb,lani, rg, and maggie shayne and last but not least Moot thank you all so much for the great card and the warm wishes. It couldn't have come at a better time. It made me grin like an idiot. /,D
I am having a very bad day. So much so that DH has taken the night off w/o pay to stay with me. He was concerned about leaving me alone for any length of time. It is good for CMS too since she badly needs a break.
Unlike Jen-T who says it but doesn't do it /,) I am signing off for awhile. See you later.
green srgdzq
So Robert, girls dig Zaza's questions.
bcb,
My bad... If I was going to take out a CB... well, let's just say it wouldn't hurt... well, unless you wanted it to. ;-)
Personally, I woulda thought LeFavre would be on our side. Can't have this blog up and disappearing can we? He lives vicariously through us.
fckvi -- Nope, not even going there.
Scope Dope,
Hope you get to feeling better. Take your time. Go ahead and impersonate some more idiots and grin all you can bear.
ddfnefi -- Did Debbie find nude elephant fighting interesting?
SDCB: So sorry to hear you're not well! Please feel better and take good care. I worry about you, darlin'. xoxo
BTW, a number of you have made me laugh out loud today and I thank you for it.
Jen-T: glad I could amuse DD, especially when she is bummed out about the hockey thing.
SDCB, wish you the best. Take care and think of all the Siberian Dutchmen in the future (especially the virtual ones, they don't give headaches).
SDCB - Feel better dear and say hello to DH for me. Hugs from me!
xyoxyo - xoxoxo with a special you in the middle for SDCB.
Bryan - you are such a bad boy. Better watch out, Moot likes those bad boys.
gfxjc - going fast, xaiver jiggles coins.
Jen-t,
Who me?
::blinking::
pznwy -- Please ZaZa, not with yoyos.
SDCB: Hope you feel better soon.
The rest of you crazy people: I am addicted to this blog and Sweet Babou is threatening to cut me off if I don't stop giggling suddenly at the dinner table over stuff he doesn't know about.
CG: come visit me and I'll teach you to speak 'American Hick'. It'll go over a treat in German bars I'm sure.
Theresa: are you in the area of communications.
By the way -- I'm in Southern Indiana. I am getting an idea of where everyone else is, but who are the Canadians, eh?
Kyra,
Where in Indiana? I'm in Columbus.
Kyra, leave CG alone. She's picking up enough bad habits from us as it is. Y'all-ing and Bless your heart-ing.
SDCB and CMS are our Canadians. You can tell because they are so much nicer than the rest of us. They try so hard to be snarky though, so we let them think they've got the hang of it.
bon cheri bomb said...
You aren't by any chance doing research on us, are you? You poor thing. And bless your heart, too.
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Does your system allow for regional and cultural differences?
In my dreams it's that smart.
PLEASE do let us know if ever a system is developed that can analyze the text on this blog.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that this blog would confound my system to no end. It has enough trouble with newspaper articles. Comparably, this blog (or at least our comments) are like the wild, wooly outer reaches of space when it comes to getting a system to automatically understand what's being said.
And really, I think you need to -- what did you call it? -- defend your dissertation to us.
Be careful what you ask for. :)
Theresa in Pgh
Bryan: I'm in Bloomington. Small, quite and kid friendly. My husband commutes to Indy so we can live here and raise wee humans. We used to live in Columbus. Northside. Have they had the Dublin Irish Festival yet? And have you ever been to Two-cos?
And CG needs more bad habits. I can tell she doesn't have enough. So I will share mine.
Haven't they recently set up a nationalized snark system in Canada? So all Canadians have a fair chance of dealing with obnoxious Americans. Like me :0)
I went to a conference in Bloomington, Indiana in the early 1990s. The town, and the University, were so Nice (I can't think of another word for it) that it was quite unbelievable. Even the students looked clean, well-ironed, and innocent... Really another world, for a Londoner.
Oh, and the University was Dry: no alcohol! :-o That was a bit of a shock for the Brits and Europeans, I can tell you!
:-D
Kyra the Red asked:
Theresa, are you in the area of communications.
Not exactly, although there are overlaps. The big fancy term is that I'm a computational linguist. Using computers to study language and developing systems for human language processing and understanding.
bryan, I have the same problem with picking up accents and word uses. In college, my mom said that I picked up a "Wooster accent" (College of Wooster (doesn't rhyme with rooster) in Ohio) -- basically a hodge podge of how my different friends pronounced different words. When I lived in Houston I had to work at not picking up an accent. Once I said to my mom that I was fixing to do xyz and I was just horrified.
If I didn't have the memory of a fruit fly, I think I would be really good at foreign languages.
Theresa in Pgh
3rd word verification: snewgflo - how I'm feeling toward blogger right now
SDCB - I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, you're very lucky in your GAM/DH, and I hope your health improve soon!
Nanaimo Granny is also Canadian, I'm pretty sure (on the WAY other side of Canada - BC, I think). If there are others, who have slipped my sieve of a mind, y'all should certainly speak up!
I, like Bryan, have a protean accent; it is, however, rarely under my control. Mostly, I sound generically American, but in certain moods/ attitudes, a little Southern enters in (courtesy of 3 years in MS), and, when I'm feeling VERY crisp, I sound almost British.
Now, it might not be too presumptuous to assume that Rocko is male, but do we, in fact, have any evidence to suggest that he is human? In fact, now I come to think of it, Rocko may not even be animate - think of the clock from Peter Pan. Perhaps Shane had a security object that got eaten...
nsyng: what that '90s boy-group did
mmzzcx: mortified, my zebra zagged chez Xenia
SDCB - Feel better soon (although probably not until that nasty tooth goes away)!!! Sending (((HUGS))) your way. Here's hoping the tooth goes numb soon!
BCB and MCB - I ending up chortling and snorting in my cubicle this morning - thank you for brightening my Monday!!
BCB - Louis is right (Louis, feel free to show this to your wife), if you haven't been published, you should be!
Kyra - Sweet Baboo *snort*
AgTigress - How is everything?
I love this blog - funny, informative, and plenty of snark.
uycvg - does this come before the egg?
rlqbeqe - risque barbeque?
SDCB: Hugs and love. I managed to save a piece of pie (sans fingerprints) for you. Sure hope it wasn't the roast that made you feel so bad. :-(
There are at least two other Canadians: nanaimo g and naked umc -- though I'm half convinced she lives in the arctic circle.
theresa: I was absolutely serious. I'd love to hear it.
JenT: So... does this mean the next time I want to chat, I will be doing so with your DD? Hmmm. I'm sure we'd find all sorts of interesting things to discuss. Where's my cell phone...
Brits and alcohol. LOL! Way back when I worked in international banking I worked for a branch of a Brit bank. The manager was from Scotland. He thought it was hilarious to test new employees by thickening up his accent to near incomprehensiblity (didn't take much for this MN girl) and teasing them unmercifully to see whether they could take it. Long story, but I passed. After that, one was "invited" [read: expected] to partake of the company liquor cabinet after work on Fridays. Thursdays. Mondays, too. And whenever else the mood struck. Which was pretty damn often. So yeah, Theresa, have fun in jolly old Scotland.
I believe I just asked DD to move her stuff because it was "all up in my way." Sigh. It was a looong day at work. Yes, I am paying now for yesterday's frivolity.
Should I apologize to any and all who will burst into uncontrollable laughter the next time their DP (dear person) ties to french them? Sooo very sorry about that. Please feel free to relate details for our amusement, however...
bw
Robin S said...
I forsee an interesting "discussion" of the term when he catches you and MCB by listening to the scanner.
Does anyone really think Rene has a chance with our two road warriors??? They'll turn the tables on him within seconds, then they'll make him demonstrate what he knows about le petit mort. He'll be begging for mercy. Heh.
See, ScopeDope? You have nothing to worry about. If he does actually make it as far as your house, he will be crawling on his hands and knees begging for sanctuary. He can stay with you while you're feeling poorly, and I'm sure he's very good at comforting the ladies, as long as your DH doesn't get jealous. (((HUGS))) to feel better.
Bryan, you should know I never was any good with a yoyo. /;+)
ouwmyh (green)
Ow, my head. What Bryan said after being hit with the third yoyo.
iyoew (blue)
I yoyo you??? I yoyo lady sheep??? Is that still you, Bryan?
YoYo, a new euphemism for...whatever we want it to be for.
SDCB: Take care. You obviously have won favor in the eyes of the Cher-ee and the GAM. I wouldn’t worry about LeFavre. (For now.) Might want to warn CMS though.
I'd love to get rid of the Minnesota accent. *sigh* Not as bad as those in "Fargo" and "North Country" but I doubt I'll ever get rid of the long O. I can go deeper and lighter within the accent, but that Scandinavian stuff sticks.
Before I forget again, NUMC: Did you mention you’re coming here for the B & J conference show in September? What are my chances of see you at Mall of America for the signing Saturday? (What? That is not an evil smile because I’m picturing Bob at MOA. I’m smiling because I’m happy they’ll be here. Really.)
Bryan: Where your ears burning Friday? I took G-ma out for dinner and told her about my efforts. She laughed and said, “I’ve never had much use for a cabana boy on the farm. What would he do?” Which made me laugh. Hard.
BCB and MCB, do be careful. I'm sure that transporting someone across state lines for immoral purposes applies whether he started it or not.
gzhbqo (blue)
Quite zestfully he, Bob, quoted OrangeHands.
zaza: Are you by any chance implying that LaFavre will want to escape from us? We have now had much practice and MCB hardly ever kills them anymore. Some of the early efforts were, um, unfortunate. Research does pay off. Still working out some of the kinks.
But first we have to be charming. Just not sure we can manage that.
Oh look, here is a role model. DD is hungry. See how charmingly she communicates that message to her DM.
Oh, she is doing a countdown of the days I have left to feed her all her favorite foods. Tells me her B(est)F's DM is cooking all HER favorites this week. I can see I need to have a little talk with that woman.
Sigh.
bw
BCB - Nope, all numbers were transfered too. Call the number I gave you, you get me. Just a new improved "Frenched" me. Poor LaFavre - I don't think he'll ever be the same. Hockey people are a little wacko, you guys should've warned him.
I'm told I have an accent, especially when I come back from my sister's in Albany. They have a slight accent that is kind of like Brooklyn, just not as thick. Rochester people sound all stuffy all the time (Nope, not me), But I think I'm canandain, eh, so I say like eh, all the time and it drives my daughter nuts.
fjssamht - um, nope, I can not go there, it is not allowed, too scary
Bye Bob - see you on the flip-side.
BCB: You and MCB are working the kinks out. Of le petit mort. I'm ROTFLMAO Please stop. NO DON'T
I love this blog. Because of the people.
Can't stop laughing.
fdfeex the shark ate fed ex
c'mon blogger
blue uqnmdbkx You know I've actually been writing all day and I can't
Scope Dope: God bless you and your DH. I wish they could get the tooth out sooner. The infection is not helping your blood sugar. Take care. Please.
unique quintuplets never marry double banded Klondike xenophobes
Now about this transporting thing I want to make sure everyone understands. First of all