Warning: Some Violence and Much Strong Language.SHE WROTE: Heidi's Altered DLD
About a million years ago, give or take four months, Heidi Cullinan came to our booksigning in Kansas City and gave us a gorgeous Don't Look Down altered book. An altered book, according to the International Society of Altered Book Artists, is "any book, old or new that has been recycled by creative means into a work of art. They can be ... rebound, painted, cut, burned, folded, added to, collaged in, gold-leafed, rubber stamped, drilled or otherwise adorned ..."
The first altered book I ever saw was one of Susan Elizabeth Phillip's that Pokey Bolton--also known at the editor of Quilting Arts magazine and Cloth, Paper, Scissors--had made for her. Pokey showed it to me at RWA National and said anxiously, "Do you think SEP will be offended?" I said, "Are you out of your mind? She'll adore it." Which of course, she did.
Fast forward to Kansas City and Heidi who gave us the Don't Look Down masterpiece which I ripped out of Bob's hands and brought home with me, wrapped carefully, put in a safe place, and promptly lost. Well, not lost, it was in that safe place, which I found when I finished cleaning my office and moved the last of the boxes away from my bookshelves. The book was still neatly packed away in a safe box where no dust or dirt could settle on it, no animal could use it for a chew toy, and, of course, no camera could record it. Argh.
But today it got recorded, and as I photographed each page I remembered that part of the story all over again. This is going to sound like a major justification, but I'm glad I put the book on the shelf and just found it now because now all the shouting and the bustle is over and we can take time to look at what Heidi did and remember what it was like writing the book. So for the next week or two it's going to be memory lane time. And for those of you who are waiting for the paperback, consider this your spoiler alert.
Here's the cover. I'm loving the beads:
107 Comments:
I'm in awe of such things. I enlarged the photo so I could see all the detail. Can't wait to see more.
That is so amazing. I have no creative/artistic ability and I just stand in awe of people who can dream up this stuff and then make it real. Wow. Its like a book that's a collage. Jenny this is the perfect book for you!
You know, generally it is sacreligous to me to harm a book. This, however, is art. Congrats to Bob and Jenny that you wrote a book so good that someone is inspired to make it into art!
cheers,
jp
Jenny, what you said about remembering the writing of the book, I get it.
Not the writing exactly, of course. But I reread DLD recently and you know what? It was better than the first time. Because now I'm reading it and remembering all the stuff you and Bob have commented on and all the discussions the CBs have had. I love rereading books because there's always some nuance I missed the first time.
For me reading a new book, especially a long awaited one, is like sitting a long time dieter down at a smorgasboard table. I'm excited and I whip through it too fast without really savoring. So this time I savored and laughed and remembered all the comments and backstory. I felt like I was some small part of the story about the story. I love it. Thank you Jenny. Thank you Bob. Thank you CBs.
It's a great illustration of how creativity begets creativity!!
What a wonderful time to find it, too -- just as the anniversary of the collaboration rolls around.
Gorgeous! It really evokes the book.
so when do we get to see inside?
i really like those purple hanging things on top. not sure what exactly they are but they're cool.
and look, your first anniversary present for this year, just waiting to be found again.
I'm echoing jpoorman94's congrats here...
And agreeing with mcb, because that's exactly what I did when I read DLD. I think it will take more rereadings to fully appreciate it.
Jenny, your middle name wouldn't happen to start with a w, would it? So I could use it for my verification?
JWCJWUUS...
Come to think of it, I think Heidi posted pictures, and I think the url is on the Cherry Forums, but I don't remember where. Absolutely amazing job, Heidi, you rock!
And now I have to go feed people....so I'm not touching this verification, which looks like someone ought to be able to have fun with....MUNKF.
Hey thanks for the tip Rosie - I enlarged it too. Wow, the detail is amazing!!!
Heidi - I'm not worthy. You rock.
ahsrpc - ah such romantic prose crap
Well, all I can say is beeyudiful!
Heidi, you are one talented lady.
Ditto on MCB's words above, loved DLD even more the second time around.
rg
Heidi: I have two sisters who do this kind of artsy stuff all the damn time. Makes me wonder whether I was adopted. And I'm never sure whether I want to praise them or smack them upside the head until they stop.
In your case I'll go with the praise: you have a beautiful creative artistic talent and thank you (and Jenny) for sharing it with us. Very well done.
Are there really people who are waiting to read this book until it comes out in paperback?
bw
Heidi...you done good!!!!
I've re-read DLD four times already....gets better each time.
Jenny...you done good!!!
CBs....we done good...
eeumwa...green
eerily easily u make wave always
The purple stuff at the top is some sort of trim from Hobby Lobby. I'm a bit of a trim slut. I go for the bargain bin for practicality but also because really interesting stuff ends up there.
Glad you're all enjoying the book. (And you, Jenny, rediscovering it.) I actually didn't get to look at it long because I made it in a HURRY and gave it away almost immediately. Which is just as well because even as it was, I was right there with Pokey wondering if the receiver would like it or hate it.
It was harder than I thought to take someone else's work and do a riff on it . . . then give it to them. It felt a lot like saying, "This is how I see your work." But it was fun.
On the job training, too, because I'd never done one before. I did get advice from Pokey, though, and that helped.
I think my favorite thing about the AB is that no picture can quite do it justice. I took several for my own records, but it's just not the same. Like, you have to touch it to feel that the "brown cover" is a sort of moleskinny stuff. It's like collages, in that the best stuff is so detailed you have to be with it and stare at it and play with it to find all the layers. And that makes it all the more fun, a sort of very private joy for the owner.
That's how I view my collages, anyway. I will leave Jenny to take her joy with the AB where she sees fit.
amazoniowan wrote: On the job training, too, because I'd never done one before.
Okaaay. I'm back to wanting to smack you upside the head, dear.
Of course that might be due to the fact that I'm from MN and apparently you are from IA. Figures. Ah yes, I do believe animosity, of a friendly sort, is required here. [grin]
And just wait until Talpianna hears you used MOLESKIN for the cover. Boy, are you in trouble.
BTW, Happy Birthday a few days late!
bw
AmazonIowan wrote: Like, you have to touch it to feel that the "brown cover" is a sort of moleskinny stuff
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
sehzlcl -- Skinned, eh! Zaza, leopard claws! Leap!
Heidi: Wonderful. Interesting. Unique. Amazing. And those were just my first few thoughts.
Iowa hmmm? Interesting. Do you know what IOWA stands for around these parts? (also from MN)
What BCB? I AM being friendly.
kyrmwmnl (red): dunno, but it makes me miss Kyra the Red.
Happy (late) B-day...Heidi? BCB, who are you talking about?
geez. you think she'd learn to specify but noooooo.
does anybody have another way of contacting kyra? hope her friend's ok...
Geez. Ok, I made an assumption. Or three. But this is not rocket science.
AmazonIowan (who must be all of 5'2" considering she's from IA where... never mind) was talking about the AB book as if she were it's creator. Jenny referred to her as Heidi. I clicked on her blog name and read her blog post where she said her B-Day was Friday. So I wished her HBD, a few days late. Because we Minnesotans are so very nice that way.
OH, go soak your cute fluffy little head in the ocean. Eat some dinner, you'll feel better.
bw
5'2". Oh, how we laugh. Did you not catch the AMAZON in front of the Iowan?
But yes, I'm Heidi, and I did just have a birthday. All six feet of me.
The moleskin was synthetic, I'm sure. Is there a Save the Moles movement I don't know about? I have several in my yard. You are welcome to them.
As for cussing at Minnesota, I've had to give that up. Several of the dearest friends I have live there. Plus you have a Tall Girl shop in Bloomington. For that alone I love the state.
AmazonIowan said...
"As for cussing at Minnesota, I've had to give that up. Several of the dearest friends I have live there. Plus you have a Tall Girl shop in Bloomington. For that alone I love the state."
Geez. I was pulling out all the corn field and cow jokes I know too.
One just for fun?
What do they call one hundred John Deeres circling a McDonalds in Iowa?
Prom Night.
Happy Belated Birthday!
Lori LOL I liked it. I really liked it.
amazoniowan I love the way that name sounds. Great job on the book. I love the WonderWoman. I really do think you'd better make sure that is fake mole skin. Talpianna is the saviour of and Queen of the Moles. Those moles in your yard...she probably sent them to congratulate you on the wonderful job you did on the book of course. She was only loaning them to you so you better not have used any of their relatives. Or I REALLY pity you. /,D
green mgcyz
Mayer gave Crusie yeccy zest. For the book, people. Really.
Well hell, I suppose I can't even tell the joke about Iowa football teams prohibiting half-time activities to prevent the cheerleaders from grazing -- hence the remark about height and the proclivity you all have for staying low to the ground. But NO, you have to go tell us you've learned how to be nice from all your dear MN friends. Just takes all the fun out of it. Sigh.
And Talpianna is The Mole, in charge of the Mole Rangers, just as Jenny is The Cherry, in charge of Whatever She Damn Well Pleases and Bob is The GAM (and our egg), and in charge of... um, in charge of... well, all the rest of it.
Pay attention, dear, even Iowans can understand the basics. So we hear.
Really nice beads, BTW.
bw
Ok- first we have all the people who can make cakes. Well first really, we have all those who can write wondrous things. Then we have CC who can remodel her own house...and Louis and Bryan who are marvelous at all they do. And I shan't forget the plotters and those who can TOTW.
AND now, we have the CRAFTY ones, too. I don't think I can take any more.
I read, and I breathe and I smile at all of you each day. I know! I'll be the cheerleader- yea! The perky one that everyone loves to hate.....well maybe not.
It's late. Maybe tomorrow I can find something at which I am good.
aubngs....the haircut you get at a French salon
geez, BCB, all you had to say was you saw her b-day on her blog site. i already got the rest of that.
yeah, nice. that's the word for you. i think your missing a few words in front of that though.
lori: LMAO.
glad you started talking on here, amazon. even if you won't tell MN jokes. (just one?)
wapa: we warned you about putting yourself down. as a CB alone you are wonderous. and then as a person...wow.
besides, who wants someone perky? bad enough JJ lives near a lake. (oh come on, she's in the vibrating bed with DH right now, she won't mind any jokes)
Orangehands- thanks for the laugh before I go off to my plain old bed with my plain old DH who is the love of my life.
JJ or Jen-t has been using a blanket outside...maybe she isn't so perky after all?!?!?!?
Off to dream about moles with trim and beads chased by Wonderwoman in red cowboy boots. Holding an egg.
My DD (teacher) sent me this:
Every year English teachers across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners ...
(There were twenty five, I'll give you what I think are the top five)
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2.His thoughts tumbled around in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
4. He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.
5. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
And this one is a bonus for J&B:
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
rg
axfog What one of those guys who hang out by the river carry
rg: my si teacher used to put up quotes kids said in class. here was one of my favorites: "reason's like a condom- you lose a little sensitivy but you wont get pregnant."
Robena--those have been going around for years--they're actually from a Washington POST humor competition. Alas.
miuhoh -- What to say to a gal with the morals of an alley cat
tibriu -- Her reply. (This is a lot funnier if you know that "Tibbles" is a traditional British cat name.)
Damn, but I wish I could get this. I've said before in reference to collaging that I just don't grok it. How's that for a geek word? My Bachelor's is in Art, too, but this just escapes me. Cool idea, though. Go, Heidi!
zaza: are you still in the office? what are they doing to you? and good word. if you hadn't said something i would have assumed it was a misspelling. i learn so much here.
you know, one day Bob is going to blog on his website a really long post, but since we know he rarely does it'll be weeks before a CB reads it. so post here, Bob.
(hint hint)
i know, i'm so damn greedy.
yeah, going to bed to read and plot. dad's coming home tomorrow. i will no longer have the run of the computer. i am on it JJ.
BCB - Bob is in charge of things that go boom.
Wapak - I'll cheer along side of you but I don't do perky.
DLD - the paperback. I think I saw somewhere that it is coming out April 2007. That would be about right.
Need caffein. I'm not from the midwest so try to keep the perky thing down to a low murmur until I get coffee.
dbvny: Defiantly, Bob verifies "no YEC!"
Awww ... Tal. See how gullible I am? *grin* And here I thought I'd bring a tad of humor to everyone's day. I'll just go back and write another %$#@*&( awful sex scene.
rg
OH: For you. Most of these apply to me.
You Could Be A Minnesotan If…
People from other states love to hear you say words with O's in them.
You assume when you say "The Cities" people know to where you're referring.
You know what uff-da means and how to use it properly.
You have apologized to a telemarketer
Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a Minnesota car.
You drink POP, not SODA.
You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in January.
You've gone trick-or-treating in 3 feet of snow.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
You laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire east coast.
Your dog dies, your man leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and your first thought is, "It could be worse."
You thank God every morning for not making you an Iowan.
You could be Lori if you post some bad Minnesotan humor and it break blogger for over half hour.
Just wanted to say, I don't know how that last one slipped in there. I wasn’t going to do the Iowa thing anymore. Oops.
Thanks for breaking blogger. I had a wondrous message that was completely literate and full of intelligentsia but blogger ate it and now I can't remember it. I did LOL at your jokes though, lori. Thanks for that.
mcb sweetheart, if you think you alone could find your way here I would be glad to make you coffee. I would even offer you lunch. I believe you when you say it is bcb's fault. It is always the drivers fault. /,D
green tqieibi
To quote Ishmael (sp), everyone imbibes beer irregularly.
wapakwoman sez: It's late. Maybe tomorrow I can find something at which I am good.
If you find an extra, let me know! :)
Apropos of nothing, last night I watched the beginning of a TV show about the 1938 hurricane that hit NY/CT. As a result, I dreamed about having to try to survive a hurricane.
Who needs Freud?
Thank you Scope! I'm pretty sure I would have an easier time of it, finding Canada I mean, alone. And thanks much for card! I needed a laugh this morning and as it happens it was very appropriate to my attitude. I just might forgive you for cheating at BOTH tic tac toe AND connect the dots.
My contribution:
You know you're from Pennsylvania if...
You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
You owe more money on your snowmobile or John Deere than your car.
The first day of "Buck Season" and "Doe Season" is a school holiday.
Your snowblower gets stuck on your roof.
The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1/4 page but requires six pages for sports.
School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."
You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
You think the start of deer hunting is a National Holiday.
You pronounce "Suite" as SUIT, not SWEET. As in Living Room Suite.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
You find -20F "a little" chilly.
You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
There are still places you can still stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a school bus.
You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.
You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.
You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.
You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Penna. friends......
Lori - Thanks for the laugh - you made my day!
god i am so tired. so if no post makes sense today, that's why. got four hours of iffy sleep. on the other hand, my dad missed his plane because he was sitting in the wrong gate so at least i woke up to humor.
lori & mcb: don't you love those?
You know you're from CA when...
The fastest part of your commute is the drive down your driveway.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
You tell people how long it takes to get there not how many miles away you are
Your cat has its own psychiatrist.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse
You take your car to get to your health club to exercise.
for BCB: You know you're from corporate America when...
You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
for my dad: You know you're in NY when...
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
blogger keeps breaking on me.
Heidi - Great stuff! you are so creative. I cna't do stuff like to save my ass. I treid to do a collage once and it was, well, lets just say very scary stuff.
Hey everyone - catching up on some posts - you guys crack me up. Both those Minnisota and Penn post could be changed to Rochester, pretty much. We trick or treat in the snow a lot. When my kids were little, I always did costumes like Baby bop or Barney or Darth Vader where I could hid their snow suit. And yes, I did make their costumes. I can sew, but I can't cook, or do arts and craft kind of things.
OH - The wrong gate? That's funny. Thanks for the CA post. Different land out there.
Aw, poo! I can't do those jokes, although basketball here in NC is somewhat of a religion, except to me.
For those who keep losing stuff to blogger, try this. Just before you let go with a "Login and Publish," highlight all your entry, right click and hit copy. Then let's assume blogger doesn't show your impecibly good stuff. Click in to the blank box of "Leave your comment," then right click and hit paste. TaDa. There's your impecibly good stuff yet again in the box. Blogger has done me in a few times, and I just stick out my tongue and do the above.
here, for us:
You know you're too into J&B blogger when...
you wait two hours to post saying blogger broke down
you know who the egg is and what Carolina state his barrier island is off of
you ask lurkers to come out of hiding
you have two mascots and one of them drinks large quantities of alcohol
you know what name jen-t started with
you have suggestions for eye patches
you've gotten on and off a soap box
you try to reach 300 comments before they post
Bob's silences get the most responses
you've babbled when you met the Cherry
you know all the nasty things that have been done to LeFavre and you plan to do more
you've been told to be nicer and for awhile you actually listened
Tal has caught a grammar/spelling error you made
you give (((Hugs)))
you say "virgin blog" still
you know who not to get in a car with, unless you like to be arrested/fondled by men in uniform
you have never stayed on one topic in a post and you don't plan to
you throw parties when B&J are gone
and the hotel you throw them in has burned down
you have written part of the hotel caper for them
you've complimented people on their collaging
you're still waiting for the SF guys to deliver your books
any one else want to add?
OH - I love those!
I'll add a few ...
You regularly have 'conversations' with people in 4 different countries, not including your own.
People you have never met know what time you get off work and how long it takes you to get home and eat supper.
You can quote Latin declensions.
You have trouble finding Canada on a map.
You know more about CC's remodeling efforts than her family does.
You know what Vandermint is.
You know what a flip flog is and how to lamb blast someone
OH: In January I went to NYC with my friend for her birthday for 5 days. On day 4 she was looking forward to getting home to Menlo Park (CA, not NJ) to "nature." No lie, I said, "That's what Central Park is for!"
What can I say, I was raised by two New Yorkers. My mother thinks the state ends just north of the Bear Mountain bridge.
A couple more:
You know when people talk about GAMs they aren’t referring to legs.
You’ve lusted after moot points.
You’ve pictured paranormal cowboys and BCB together.
zimdeuq: seems like a foreign brand name to me.
...and you complain about having to write sex scenes while other people encourage you to try anyway
...you tell others gory details of your life knowing they don't even know your name
...you rant about all kind of bad things from Tom Cruise to the Da Vinci code
...you have Bryan's cell number but you still want to now what he looks like
...you write passages that take half an hour to read but save time by calling your husband 'DH'
...plus you need three verification codes until you have figured out a good sentence for the first one
e.g.:
atunk - the sound BCB's biplane makes when she tries to land it on Lake Ontario
You treat moles with great respect.
You know how to get sharpened daggars.
You can talk about taking over the world with a straight face.
All of the "you know you're a" lists are funny, but the CB ones are best!
Gatorperson, you're very right, but I reserve the right NOT to copy my deathless prose, because it's much better to tell people how deathless it is than for them to read it and know it's actually deadly.
to add three more CB criteria:
....you miss people you've never met and worry about them when they don't post!
....you practice "snark" regularly
....you've learned a lot of words beginning with X and Z in the last 7 months
OH: the word "grok" comes from "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein. Which I read DECADES after hearing the word in conversation. Oh, NOW I get it...
...people understand when you leave out whole words, thoughts and even the general idea of the post.
...it only takes one post from GAM or Jenny to make you a virgin again.
...you wear an eye patch to fit in and be considered cool.
...you write about LaFavre and Pepper, even when the Gam said not too.
...you know more about the planet jupitor than you ever thought you would.
...you share great cake recipies.
...you've successfully traveld back in time and enjoyed it in an odd way.
Apropo of nothing I just did a head count and came up with 29 regularly posting CBs. Not counting the lurkers who pop in on occasion (and whom we'd love to hear more from). That's 28 people I adore talking to, 26 of whom I've never met.
No wait. That would be 31. Missed a few. No, not you.
MCB - "29 regulars, 26 of which I've never met"
Well, lets party! Imagine all of us in the same room, up close and personal?
FYI - Antholgoy is done, just editing and hopefully by then end of the day, it will be off and running and I can get to racking up the body count, instead of the underwear count - that would be a teaser.
brava cologne girl. That was great. They say the hardest thing to learn in another language is humour. You did just fine.
All of you are brilliant. I can never think fast enough to do those. I can't think of any for us poor old naive, nice Canadians. I am afraid to let you people start on us. /,D
umxtsiw
Usually Mayer's Xavier tries silly inane writing.
brava cologne girl. That was great. They say the hardest thing to learn in another language is humour. You did just fine.
All of you are brilliant. I can never think fast enough to do those. I can't think of any for us poor old naive, nice Canadians. I am afraid to let you people start on us. /,D
umxtsiw
Usually Mayer's Xavier tries silly inane writing.
CG noted ...you write passages that take half an hour to read but save time by calling your husband 'DH'
LMAO!!!
those were great. and yeah, CG's one noted above was my favorite. this stuff is awesome.
JJ: went through a read-through, made notes, now going back to fix them up and then i'll send them. give me a couple of hours, gotta get my mind away from it for awhile.
Ya'all have described some great people!!
If I can include myself...
bowgavva...green
Bob, on words, give a vivid versatile answer
blogger bit
ewywqed...green
every weird YEC word quotes every detail
Heidi WOW If this is your first effort...I'm just going to have to join BCB in slapping you. It's amazing. Happy belated birthday and great to meet you.
RG ROTFLMAO as I did over the jokes by Lori, OH, MCB and CG I too loved the CB ones best and that one of CG's already noted.
I can't do jokes like that either SDCB but I enjoy reading them
Lori My SisIL has apologized to a telemarketer and held half hour conversations with wrong numbers. I can't wait to tell her she's really from MN. She also spends 45 min giving you directions to go somewhere 10 min away. Except then you get lost and it takes 1hr and 45 min to get there. And I love her dearly and she helps keep me sane when I'm around DF (You can read that as Dear Family if you wish)
JenT Congrats on finishing the anthology. Looking forward to reading that too.
...the most frustrating thing about your computer going down is that you can't check the blog for the sixth (eighth, tenth) time that day to see what everyone's saying!
KFNBUUGV...Kentucky Fried Chicken's newest entree....
...you know Jaws inhabits a lake in upstate NY and has it in for a certain CB
OH you are very funny! Look what you started! Love the CB jokes. You are multi-talented.
You mentioned having made movies in high school, so did my son, now 23.
He worked with the prod/director Doug Claybourne, (only because Doug's daughter was in his class) Doug's biggest claim to fame was working with Francis Ford Coppola on Apocalypse Now. Anyway, one of DS's best movies was "The Big Sniff" it was filmed in the Sherman Oaks Fashion Square parking lot, inside Victoria's Secret store, and some not so choice locations along Burbank Blvd. Funny stuff.
And good going CG, I'd hate to see my jokes in German. Heck, I can't even remember punch lines. And I couldn't make any up in English, but that's because everyone got to the blog before me ... I'm really very funny ... great sense of humor ... not at all uptight ... sigh, okay, some of you know me ...
rg
Jen-t said...
Well, lets party! Imagine all of us in the same room, up close and personal?
Oh, we'd have a blast, for sure. But is the world ready?
fgzrj: For genius, Zaza regards Jenny.
MCB wrote: People you have never met know what time you get off work and how long it takes you to get home and eat supper.
She's never going to forgive me for this is she? (you scared the heck out of me that day, girl -- thought you'd had a damn stroke or something)
The CB "you know" things were funny and more than a little scary. Here are some more: You know you're too "into" the blog when...
...you mis-spell a word in a document and, rather than correct it, think up a verification sentence for it.
...you can no longer remember what you used to do with all the time you now spend reading and commenting on the blog.
...you no longer care.
...you think getting fired wouldn't be so bad if you could just find a way to get paid for reading and commenting on the blog -- but you're sure you'll come up with something. Later. After you're done catching up on all the comments.
...you feel inexplicably panicked at the thought of a weather-related power outage lasting for days that results in loss of internet access -- never mind about the food in the fridge.
Anyone else beginning to suspect we're all just a little demented?
bw
You know you’re from Arizona when…
You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees.
You discover that in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.
You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance.
Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.
You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.
You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
You see two trees fighting over a dog.
You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny
You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River
You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves
You can pronounce "Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", and "Cholla"
You can understand the reason for a town named "Why"
You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!
You hear people say "but it's a DRY heat!" -and want to punch them in the throat.
You buy salsa by the gallon.
You know the difference between tomatoes and tomatillos.
You can pronounce tomatillos.
Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.
You can wear shorts and a tank top on Christmas.
Some 4th of July's you never see fireworks because it is too hot and dry to light them off.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
You have seen a lightning bolt fill up an entire night sky.
Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
Most homes have more firearms than people.
Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"
People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
If you haven't worked for Motorola or Honeywell at some time, you must be a newcomer.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
And you know you're a CherryBomb when:
You've met Moot in person...
You've actually heard Bob speak actual words...
Cats run and hide when they see you coming...
You can speak Ionian like a native...
You've received TMI about a certain vibrating bed...
You've been issued a map of Tierra del Fuego with a battle plan...
You think it's normal to go from Minnesota to Canada by way of Arizona...
You wear fruit on and about your person for purposes of identification....
You know who the ChippenMoles are.....
isvgjkzk -- I see virgin geeks, Jenny, kissing Zaza's k****
Oh...and you know who Mother, Speen, and Needles are, and why they are to be feared.
rsagye -- RS and Glamour-Geek, YEX's easy!
Tal, ditto on the Arizona stuff, being in the CA desert I think we're cousins. 112 today, but hey were celebrating, it's getting cooler at night.
rg
Tal- Thank you! I needed that just now.
Many of those can also be applied to south FL, where I lived for four very long summers, and where I learned these:
...doing a load of laundry in cold water requires adding three dozen ice cubes to the load.
...there are two seasons: hurricane season and tourist season.
...New Yorkers who drive vehicles are not required to use turn signals, nor to make turns from the designated turn lane.
...after parking your car in the sun you are not surprised to find the rear view mirror has melted off the windshield and fallen to the floor.
...you realize you understand the Spanish-speaking women next to you in the store and they're blessing your heart.
...playing the lottery is viewed as a sure bet compared to casting votes in an election.
...you need sunglasses to find the mailbox.
...you've convinced yourself the sea breeze is refreshing, sand particles notwithstanding.
...living fifteen minutes from the beach is not all it's cracked up to be when the accumulation of beach toys weighs more than the kids.
...the quality of your Christmas experience is judged by wattage.
...watching the Weather Channel becomes a survival instinct, akin to not turning your back on the ocean.
...you no longer care what happened to all the plywood people bought the last time there was a hurricane.
And how else would you go from Minnesota to Canada, if not by way of Arizona? MCB said it was the direct route -- less traffic and fewer stop lights, too.
bw
Spend too much time on the blog if...
...you know the origin of Talpianna's name
...you know where OH is going to college
...you know where Christina spent her summer and why
...you can list at least 2 injuries that Jen-T's daughter has sustained and which sport she was playing when she got them
...you know what OH's grandmother did to the cop and how many it took to take her down
I spend too much time on the blog.
So, apparently, do you.
So... should we be resourceful and create a Q&A game? See who knows the most about us?
I told you this was getting scary.
bw
CBs are so delightful...
To think that I know a goodly percentage of all the above....and ROFLMAO at all of it.
cqtng...green
I've been getting a lot of green lately
Crusie quotes the news generally
Reading all the comments (re: you know you are a J&B blog addict, if), I just wanted to say, I feel very loved here. ;)
And am also slightly disturbed at how much detailed info on my life I let loose in here.
rg: sounds cool.
BCB: a Q&A game. it'll be blast until someone shoots someone else
some more: (i love the ones you guys have been doing):
you have a shovel and you're willing to use it. you've also started to think of decorations for it. couldn't remember and didn't see it but may have missed
you are flattered when asked to man the moot signal
when telling someone else about something that happened on here, you spend thirty minutes telling the backstory and only one telling the line.
you know what CC's plans are for the hole in her wall
you also know the plans not involving OH
you say *ribbit ribbit* as a scare tatic
you watch the weather station for B&J
you know about twenty different ways to keep small mammals away from your gardens
you believe squirrels communicate
you make plans to steal from B&J, but can't decide on who should do the distracting
you have fights about who's a hotter hero
when you get excited about a book it's seen as normal behavior
being called "normal" is an insult
you can name at least three pets
and you know who has the horny son
LMAO is both a usual response and a wanted one
you can name at least ten different kinds of chocolate
you can say "bless your heart" and be forgiven...most of the time
you remember the Princess debate
and you remeber who admitted to owning a "princess" shirt
you know what muppet you are
you know how fast g-g can run
you say IMHO like you mean the word humble
you weighed in on the Scotland vs DC debate, and your main argument was men in kilts
you've seen a kitten holding a gun
you wonder what happened to Bubbles
you know the conspiracy around the 100-post mark
keep it up, guys. these are fun. sorry if someone did the shovel one already
here, and since i can't say this on the other post, feels too disrespectful to tigress's loss, I DID NOT MEAN IT THAT WAY. i just...oh, who knows. ok, you can smack me, MCB.
geez, always focus on my negative.
and you are all beautiful, lovely people i hope to continue to talk to forever. i have learnt a lot and have so much fun on here. and i appreciate never being treated like a kid. i would love to one day meet you all. and i would one day love to be able to get the CB's to sign their own published books for me. you are all amazing individuals and a fascinating group. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sorry Scope Dope and other Eastereners but I can't let our American Cousins get away with it.
You know you're from B. C. when
1 you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
2 you know more than 10 ways to order coffee
3 you use the phrase "sunny break" and know what it means
4 you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "walk signal.
5 you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye [salmon]
6 you know how to pronounce Squamish [Winter Olympics 2010]
Osoyoos, Nanaimo and Tsawwassen.
7 you consider swiming an indoor sport.
8 you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai food
9 you Never go camping without waterproof matches
10 you are not fazed by "Today's forecast Showers followed by rain and tomorrow's forecast rain followed by showers
11 you cannot wait for a day with "showers and sunny breaks"
12 you know Dawson Creek is a town not a TV show.
13 people who use umbrellas are tourists
14 you carry jumper cables in the car and all your family knows how to use them
15 you design Halloween costumes to fit under a raincoat
very good nanaimo granny. Can't beat that.
Orangehands sweetheart are you going somewhere that we can never hear from you again? Are you going to make me take back that "virtual spanking" threat? You just trying to make me feel badly for saying you are not too old to spank? What you said was so sweet.
We love you OH, honest we do. You are one of us. At times you say something that sounds just like a kid and then you say something so profound I think you must be 101. Just like the rest of us. You are a CB. I want to meet you too. So get on your best jogging suite and hit the highway. If you start now you might get to NJ just in time for dinner with us Thursday night. I'll save you a seat. No one will know if you don't show up for school for a couple of days. They expect that of Freshmen. /,D
green bcialedu
But Crusie is always lecturing everyone, Doherty, unexpectedly.
i think you have way too much optimism for how fast i can go in a jogging suit. i do have a car i could use, you know. i mean, it'll break down halfway there, but...
of course you love me. i am very lovable. i mean, when i pay my mom enough, she'll say that.
plus, this way MCB will feel guilty and won't smack me. and you won't spank me.
uh, probably shouldn't have said that part of the plan...
but i did mean it. i did!
geez, no one believes me anymore...
and scope dope, what are you doing up so late? are you in one of your worse bad days? feel better. hope you have a "bad" day tomorrow.
...You know LaFavre's first name but can't spell his last one.
...You associate coleslaw with death.
...Your frying pan and long-handled kitchen fork are registered with the police as deadly weapons.
...You know what Spike and Dru were originally called (by Jenny and tal).
xmjbeupx -- It's after midnight and I am NOT trying this.
Basically, when you are a Cherry Bomb you can get away with almost everything (particularly since it's virtual).
Except, of course, stomping your foot.
orangehands said...
here, and since i can't say this on the other post, feels too disrespectful to tigress's loss,
I was thinking much the same thing.
You know you are a Cherry Bomb when ... you take an oath by crossing your heart with your pinkie and swearing to Bob.
... you discuss books and authors using only initials.
... an alligator in a Krispy Kreme bag makes perfect sense.
... you have intense discussions about characters and scenes in a book that isn't finished yet let alone published.
And you know you are a Cherry Bomb when you can name approx. 30 people other than your mother who think you are perfect.
Tal said ... ...You associate coleslaw with death.
That's a good one.
I think a quiz sounds like a fun idea, but who's going to make it up?
...you sit impatiently at your computer, waiting for people you have never met and who live half a continent away or halfway around the world to wake up, get home from work, have that first cup of coffee, finish dinner, finish writing that chapter, get back from boot camp, finish feeding the horses... and come out and play.
...you know with a great deal of certainty that somewhere on a barrier island a man is reading these comments and firing off an email to a woman who is sitting in her newly cleaned office:
"What the hell are they talking about?"
"I have no idea."
And that makes you smile.
bw
You log into the blog as soon as you wake up so you can start your day ROTFL. And your children are used to it so they don't even turn to look at you.
...you know if someone is wearing a tree on their head, they're travelling icognito.
rg
RG said ...you know if someone is wearing a tree on their head, they're travelling icognito.
... you know where the 'tree on his head' joke comes from.
…You have to squelch random urges to proclaim, “In the darkness, there is death…” (like I did 20 minutes ago)
…You know how to take one for the team.
RSS: Funny about SIL, send her on up, she’ll feel right at home.
... when something is written in ALL CAPS someone is really, really serious.
(Like it is usually a plaintive male cry to be heard above the chatter of (how many females are we) 26 plus Jenny, that means ... counting on fingers ... oh yeah, 27.
rg
...you know what RG, OH, CG, GG, CC, MCB, BCB, and SDCB all stand for.
...you know what the Ag in AgTigress means.
...you know how many sons and grandsons Louis has...and what they do for work.
OH: thanks for the comment about my running speed! I hope to have a new and exciting result for you a week from tomorrow...
...you dream that you chaufeer JenT's kids to hockey games
...you giggle your way through A History of Violence
...you get your face painted with a bomb denotating a cherry
...you feel the urge to travel the world in a biplane
...the sight of a froggy housecoat sends you into hysterics
...you know the plural of penis and aren't afraid to use it
...you get tons of emails if your mother doesn't log on once a day : )
...you feel safe enough to post your phone number on the Internet
...don't mind when 30 giggling women call that number
...travel five hours out of your way to meet someone you've never met
...one eye has more literary value than two
...The Egg came first, no need for a chicken
ROTFLMAO.
i need to wake up a little more to do a contribution, but geez, this is funny.
oh, here, since i just did it:
...you write your verification as your name, and people still recognize you
oh,and CMS, "...The Egg came first, no need for a chicken" LMAO.
...you have debates about if a book has too much HEA
...you argue about good sex scenes
...you have threatened OH at least once
yeah, need some food before i try this.
orangehands said...
zaza: are you still in the office? what are they doing to you? and good word. if you hadn't said something i would have assumed it was a misspelling. i learn so much here.
I'm tryiing to do another edit on the WIP. It does need some character building, but I think most of what I'm doing is just different, as opposed to actually better. Yes, grok is a great word. It really expresses the getting it, or not, concept. ;+) We all learn good stuff on here! I love it.
diane said...
the word "grok" comes from "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein.
I didn't know that. I first heard it from an engineer I worked with at HP. I said, "My god, is that not the quintessential geek word?" She said, "Yes, but it explains a whole concept in just four letters." Which, I guess, is pretty quintessentially geek, too. ;+) See, learning all the time.
lori said...
You have apologized to a telemarketer
Well, that's just being raised female. ;+)
You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
Oh, dear.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
So that's where that came from. My dad was originally from Minnesota.
mcb said...
When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
Ooh! I've seen that. Er, well, sort of. When I first lived in Maryland, some of the roads had like garbage cans at the side, with cinders in them. Not sure if they expected individual drivers to get out and do the cinder thing or if they were there for the road crews so they didn't have to go back to their main base over and over. Gosh, it's nice not to have to keep a bag of kitty litter in my trunk anymore.
You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.
So, what are dippy eggs?
Tal, add to that that the gun racks all have guns on them, and you've seen shootouts while waiting for the light to change. At least when I lived in Tucson, it wasn't that unusual for fist fights, and there was the occasional exchange of gunfire.
I almost skipped catching up on this one because I thought it would be all about collaging and altered books and stuff. What was I thinking?
You know you're a CB if you ruthlessly change the subject mid-conversation without a twinge of guilt. /;+)
nvcgc (red)
new verbs can garner claps (meh)
wfhyx (blue)
wireless hiccups?
...OH has described you as a growly bear wearing a green dress AND as a sack of swine -- and you just laugh and feel absurdly complimented.
...you take a "blog break" at work when no one is watching and as a result feel like you can almost make it through the next three hours without commiting a felony.
...you wonder whether, if YOUR mother logged on and read the comments, she would ever speak to you again.
...you will never again see a cruise boat without laughing hysterically.
...you get used to the concept of laughing and crying pretty much at the same time.
bw
--you have your daughter spend two hours reading the comments so you won't be left behind.
--you post at 1:30 a.m. so that everyone will know you are still here and you so don't want to miss anything.
--you spend ages correcting typos so that talpianna won't find grammatical mistakes and correct you.
--your DH gets GAM status because we know what that means.
red vbgxzv
Verbosity, Bob, gives Xavier Zaza's virtual (address).
I had something else but was afraid her husband would kill me.
G-G: Message received and answered.
Zaza: Though I am a Marylander, the bulk of my family is from Penn. My grandmother lived on a sort of backroad (in that part of the country they call it a 'run' - I don't know why) with several other families that could get nasty in winter. The road that is. Well maybe the families too. But I digress. There was this big mound of ash kept along side of the road for families to spread as needed.
And dippy eggs are fried eggs that you dip your toast in.
mcb said...
Zaza: And dippy eggs are fried eggs that you dip your toast in.
Ah. I thought it might be eggs with runny yolks. Do you dip "toast soldiers" there?
Just read the comments where Tal let us know that the Tigress's father had died. It makes me sad and a little scared. My mom will probably live several more years, but that time is coming. No matter how much of a relief it will be, I know it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks. Not looking forward to it. Duh.
zmjdw (blue)
Zounds! Mad Jenny did what???
Zaza asked ... Ah. I thought it might be eggs with runny yolks. Do you dip "toast soldiers" there?
I don't dip anything as I think fried eggs are disgusting. But no I've never seen anyone do 'soldiers'. The shape of choice seems to be a triangle. I guess that's what corners are for?
On the other subject, my own parents ain't getting younger and both mom and dad have health issues. Mom's been through so much, I should say we've been through so much with her, that I am constantly amazed we still have her with us. Its very scary.
zaza and mcb: (((hugs))) about your parents. both my parents have had "close calls" and it can scare the crap out of you. hope you get as much comfort as you can from them.
zaza: and hey, different can be better. if you need a beta reader...
and continued:
...you plan blackmail to keep the blog going past december
...you remember who kept trying to get the last post and what she threw you in
...you believe people in water have a purpose. that purpose is target practice.
...you feel guilty when you don't do a verification
...you miss people when they go on vacation and aren't able to blog
...you know blogger is plotting against you