Warning: Some Violence and Much Strong Language.HE WROTE: In The Stretch; To Do list
It’s the end of November. Been a long year. I’m a bit scared to go back to reading our entries from the beginning of the year when we young and naïve and the world looked so bright and cheerful. On my lengthy ‘to do’ list besides ‘blow off the driveway’—which Jenny wisely did not make a snarky comment about yesterday—is ‘blog document’ which is where I have to take all our entries for the year and finish putting them in one document. I know it’s going to be over 200,000 words.
Right now, also on my to do list is ‘blog 2007’. I’ve got 26 entries to write and would like to have most of them done before the end of the year. So that’s a lot of work.
When I was in Chesapeake for that conference I found myself at the dinner the night before we presented actually starting to bitch about book tour. I stopped myself and apologized. I know I swore I would never do that and I did catch it.
I did the major re-write of Chasing and now am doing another run through on the screen. Then will print it out and break out the red pen. Plus, I have to do something I’ve never done before on one of my books: do a motif and symbol run through. See, even I can learn. I’ve got a list, like ‘garden’, ‘landlord’, ‘sex’ (don’t ask); ‘letter’, etc. that I have to make sure are evenly layered through the book.
FYI in January, (26th to be exact) I’m co-hosting a one day workshop in beautiful Beaufort, SC on writing as part of the Iodine Literary Conference http://www.eatgoodbread.com/iodine.html
The other presenter is agent Nadia Cornier of EZ-pass fame. I’ll talk about writing from a writer’s POV and she’ll talk about things from an agent’s POV. I’ll be right of course.
BTW, Beaufort is very pretty. The Big Chill was filmed there. Even better, I can drive up there in an hour. No flying.
Jenny wanted to rename a character in Agnes so I suggested Dorsai Tyler.
Also on the ‘to do’ list is ‘Sanctuary Proposal’, ‘rewrite Who Dares Wins’ and ‘Hannah to the vet’. The fun never stops.
209 Comments:
You're going to rewrite "Hannah to the Vet"?
I kinda like "Sex don't ask" as a motif :)
Is this just for Chasing or are you going to adopt motif hunting as a general technique?
Seriously I do learn a lot from reading about the trials and travails of hard working writers. It doesn't show, but I am learning :)
Year end lists...it's scary.
So, are you going to really change Agnes' name?
I don't know, Mary, I'd rather ask. :-)
You're writing all the 2007 blog now (along with everything else on your to-do list)? Gee, that makes me feel like a huge procrastinator. Bigger than usual, I mean.
Wasn't Tyler Moot-bait in DLD? Or is this a relative? There's a motif for you, and it can run through all books, guys named Tyler as alligator snacks.
The GAM said:
I've got a list like ‘garden’, ‘landlord’, ‘sex’ (don’t ask); ‘letter’, etc. that I have to make sure are evenly layered through the book.
Suggesting the CBs not ask about sex is like asking teens not to ask for money for the mall or an extension for curfew. It's like telling a women not to ask her man where he's been when he comes home with a sloppy grin, a gin-soaked shirt, and a stripper's boob tassels hanging from his ears.
Really, Bob. What are you thinking? *G*
On the other hand, it's good to know you have sex layered throughout the book. I'm sure your characters are very happy.
tqzwkd: Today, quick zealots wielded knives destructively.
Hope Hannah is okay. And Neely too.
I'm looking forward to reading Chase's book. Its going to be interesting to see how working together has influence each of you. I'll have to go back and reread one your back list books for comparison.
Well 2006, the year of the gator, was a bit rough on you guys. Combining booktour and workshops would have left anyone fried, and we know its not the opportunity you might bitch about, but the lack of downtime. LTD is not for wimps.
Glad to hear you might use Dorsai someplace. I think its part of HWSW legend now, so we'll all feel quite superior when we see it.
Sex in the garden with the landlord? Sounds like a bent version of Clue.
Bob, your To Do list sounds a whole lot more interesting than mine for 2007:
1. Convince boss I'm worth a bigger paycheck.
2. Exercise.
3. Say "Ohm" at least three times a day, more if needed.
4. Work on MS (really, that's a given)
On the last post, a few of us were discussing funny t-shirts. I just read where TV Land is having a special on TV's Greatest Catchphrases. (http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/28/tv.catchphrases.ap/index.html)
Say goodnight, Gracie.
mvsqlar: Moving very slowly, Quincy limps around room.
No flies on you Bob.
New topic for HWSH 2007 How to write fiction:
"How to layer Sex; from the male point of view". Would be a winner.
Reading "Hannah to the Vet" would be like reading Jenny's grocery list, we will never have enough. Kind of like the number of black shoes we need, just one more pair.
'sex' (don't ask) - yeah right. When you say don't ask, you know we're all going to ask.
To do lists - hate them. Of course my to do list usually consists of a half a dozen things I have to do for other people.
Deb said: Reading "Hannah to the Vet" would be like reading Jenny's grocery list, we will never have enough.
It might go something like this:
Dr. Finn Dorsai, a veterinarian despite his father’s insistence he be a deadly mercenary like the rest of the family, slowly slid the tip of the sharp hypodermic needle into the tiny glass vial. He smiled grimly as pulled back the plunger to extract it contents. The clear liquid sloshing inside was a combination of canine vaccines for parvo and distempter; hardly lethal, but rather could be if in fact not taken. That did not comfort Hannah, who trembled as the good doctor drew near. “This won’t hurt a bit,” Dr. Dorsai said to Hannah in a less-than-convincing voice as he aimed the sharp tip toward her firm yet furry backside.
(sorry. couldn't resist.)
Obviously "sex(don't ask)" will incite questions! Is it in the garden with the landlord as btuda suggested? Is it to the letter, all prim like? Come on, give us somethin'!
Love to do lists - it is the crossing out that makes me so happy! I have such a mess inside my head that an orderly list is always welcome!
Sadly, my list contains nothing more adventurous or mind stimulating than laundry, dishes and Christmas shopping. By the by anyone have money tree, ours is plum-puckered!
My sister writes to-do lists and carefully adds anything she (or her husband) HAS done that wasn't on the list, in order to cross it out. It makes the day look so much more productive.
I'm afraid that money trees were early victims of the prevailing tendency towards deforestation...
opetsy: what some veterinarians (but not Dr. Finn) are like.
There is something satisfying about crossing off a to-do list. Especially on those days when you seem to be spinning wheels and going nowhere.
i won't ask, Bob, about the...well, you know. if only cause everyone else will for me. :)
in case btuda's site didn't work for you, try this:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/28/tv.catchphrases.ap/index.html
me said "he aimed the sharp tip toward her firm yet furry backside"
LOL. good one.
but i do hope Hannah is ok. please keep us posted.
tt: *raises hand* i do that all the time. makes me feel productive when i haven't done anything. plus, gives me motivation to do more, as i've already "done" some things. (one of the many mind tricks i perform on myself)
Anyone else see this comic last week? I nearly did a spit take when I read it:
Non Sequitor 11/23
If I forgot how to do those link thingies, here's the cut'n'paste: http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20061122/cx_nq_uc/nq20061122
cary: saw it, went "Bob! and CBs" and then forgot about it. made me laugh again.
just found this. reminded me of Bob. no wonder why he talks to them.
http://www.allfantasyart.com/photomanipulation/super_squirrel.jpg
wait, here's Bob in his other form:
http://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/img/military-squirrel.jpg
OH, you are sooooo baddddd. Obviously the hand helping the squirrel the in military gear didn't clothe him. Why not? No blood, no bandaids.
Lists: Ummm, doesn't anybody but me make out menus a week in advance, making the grocery list at the same time? I have actually watched my DH write a todo list of things he's already done so that he can cross them off.
GP said "doesn't anybody but me make out menus a week in advance"
since my mom isn't here, i'll answer for her: NO WAY. my mom makes lists for sales, buys the food, and then picks what to make the night before (to give whatever meat dish time to defrost "naturally" overnight). that's as advance as she gets- except holidays.
Deb said...
"How to layer Sex; from the male point of view".
Or should that be, "How to lay 'er: Sex from the male POV"?
ARGH! i'm going to borrow shovels soon. actually, my roomie can just take a dip in the ocean. but ARGH!
ok, done complaining. (but, just, ARGH!!!!!!!)
Sex? Did someone say sex?
ukduz - uk duz
Lists of meals for the week? Good grief...um NO!!!!!! My family is lucky the get to eat. Hell, they are lucky when I go to the grocery store. I make grocery lists all the time - then leave them at home on the table - what good is that? Yesterday, I actually brought the list - still forgot the ketchup. My kids won't eat anything without ketchup. Crap - now I have to go back today.
Loved the movie The Big Chill - does anyone remember who played the dead guy? They only showed like his hands or something - but he's now a famous actor.
Hmmmm - 'sex' (don't ask) - the big chill? Favorite part in that movie was when Glen Close gives up her husband to her friend and then The Fly guy makes some comment about a lot of sex going on.
OH - Tell roomie that sharks live in the ocean and girls who swim in it tend to get eaten.
If that doesn't work - show her the opening of Jaws.
jen-t: the dead guy was Kevin Costner.
OH: love the military squirrel.
zaza said: "How to lay 'er: Sex from the male POV"? You made me spit out my coffee!!
I was so tired when I read this post last night I could have sworn Bob said he was writing evenly layered sex. Interesting visual.
And now that I'm awake (sort of) I see he claims that at the beginning of the year he and Jenny (unless it's some other "we" he's referring to) were "young and naive and the world looked so bright and cheerful."
Um. So I read it three more times and and it said the same thing every time.
Bob? You feeling ok, darlin'? Ate a few too many pieces of pumpkin pie, did you? That's ok, go blow off the driveway or inhale some dog fur -- you'll be back to normal in no time.
Young and naive, my ass.
bw
OH: I think I saw that Super Squirrel in my yard the other day.
GP: Plan menues a week early? Good heavens, that would require a level of organization foreign to me. I don't even plan ahead enough to "defrost naturally". I usually end up defrosting in the microwave or, time permitting, using the water method if it's still in the wrap.
Love the soundtrack to the Big Chill, not so much the movie. Sorry, but I have a hard time enjoying a story where someone is sleeping with someone else's spouse no matter what the reason. Same problem with Bridges over Madison County, let alone the Generation Gap problem. Clint Eastwood without his shirt put my mom in a tizzy, but gave me a serious case of ewww.
uwgye: Usually we gather yellow eggs.
fwjgv: First we jabbed gosh-darned verifier.
I refuse to discuss donkeys or to do lists on this blog. No, no, tempt me not. I have Standards, damnit.
Maybe Bob could write a sequel, 'Hannah and her sisters go to the Vet'?
(Yes, I do too have Standards. You shouldn't laugh that hard, BCB, it'll probably set off a coughing attack and then where will you be?)
Mary
(Currently re-reading The Writer's Toolkit, and finding more and better stuff in it!)
zceiz - a swear word pronounced between unmoving lips.
Who was discussing donkeys? Did I miss that one?
Bridges of Madison County. I remember when the book was really big. Then I read it and couldn't figure out why.
lmjyyekm: Less macho jokes, you YEK (yukky emotional kisses) mostly.
Bob is probably sweating over writing about sex because he doesn't want to win the Brit award for worst sex scene in a novel.*grin* And Bob you don't layer sex scenes, they should be a natural outgrowth of the character development (no pun intended.)
Was it John Updike who won the award last year?
Robena:
I think he won last year, yes. Here's a list of this year's nominees. (Danishes and brass dogs. LOL!)
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/books/11/29/books.badsex.ap/index.html
whoops, if I had read the entire article I just posted before I posted, I would have seen that Updike did not win.
robena: pun or not, my computer narrowly avoided disaster. I know, Diet Coke and computers are a disaster waiting to happen, but mandatory if I'm to remain awake today.
It's the price I pay for founding *Snorting* and *Spit taking* Anonymous.
I had every intention to going to bed at a reasonable hour last night, but I got sucked into the IU/Duke game last night and I had to see if IU could pull it off or not. (They didn't, but it got close a few times.)
Oh, geez. And those were 'literary' writers. Maybe they should join RWA.
rg said "doesn't want to win the Brit award for worst sex scene in a novel"
just saw the article (thanks me). you got to love Brits for this reason alone. Bad Sex Award. *snort*
for those too lazy to read it, best two paragraphs:
Other finalists included Mitchell's 1980s coming-of-age story, "Black Swan Green," for a passage in which one character's breasts are compared to "a pair of Danishes" and another's to "two Space Hoppers."
Pynchon's long-awaited, 1,000-page novel, "Against the Day," was nominated for a scene involving a spaniel that ends: "Reader, she bit him."
oh, BTW, cary? i don't think i'm going to NY anymore, so i can do the cookie exchange. (well, i'm still debating BBQ sauce so...) anyway, is it still open for sign-ups?
BTW: thanks JJ. good visual
DH found his 06 New Years resolution and now is backing into parking spaces. Every time he wants to park its this back up thing. What kind of NY res is that? But he's having so much fun enjoying it I can only sigh. (not exactly on the topic of lists, but he's got lists down to a science...so the NY res is as close to topic as I can get!)
I've been a lurker, these last months, but no jar for you CB's, you're too wild for that! Mostly I've been reading the blog, but no time for the comments. I will say I'm excited about the 07 writing blog. Thanks Bob and Jenny! I tried to comment the other day and it didn't go thru, maybe cuz my email address changed. Hhhmmm. We'll see how this one goes. No go...I'll try to get in as anonymous. Why are my comments not getting in? I'm using my normal username and password, and putting in the word verification. Any ideas anybody? If you lurk you're no longer allowed to comment? ---Lady T
The author pictured on the Bad Sex in Fiction Awardarticle bears an eerie resemblance to the Bobster. Less hair, rounder face, but it's there. /;+)
yscgmuxj (red)
YEX sure could get most ungentlemanly Xavier jumping.
True story: Last year about this time I discovered I could buy tabasco pepper seeds. So I did; grew me one plant. Lots of tiny green peppers that turned yellow, then red. One day just before frost I picked a peck, then found a recipe on the net for tabasco sauce. Did it. Waited the 2 weeks; decanted it. Final sentence was to add more vinegar if too strong. Asked DH to taste; slowed him down to a fingertip drop, not the whole spoonful. ROARED through the house. 10 minutes later plead for relief; I administered honey. Went to the store for me; eye itched; rubbed it; ROAR. Two hours later he says his tongue still tingles. Milk next!
Now he's agreed to taste test the real tabasco sauce to tell me approximately how much to dilute my homegrown stuff. Ya know, sometimes they're really nice.
I dare you novel writers to think up such a story. Just stranger than fiction.
btuda: believe the "no pun intended" ... or not. *wink*
That's right, me, it was Coren who won, Updike was one of the finalists. I did like the end of his paragraph though:
"Faye leaned back on the blanket, arranging her legs in a M of receptivity, and he knelt between them like the most abject and craven supplicant who ever exposed his bare ass to the eagle eyes of a bunch of crows." Heh heh.
It was a "doing it" in the park scene. Yay John, you rock! The first part was icky, you know, guy talk. That's why I didn't post it.
One of the well known RWA authors read some of the excerpts from that years awards, at one of the RWA Nationals. She's a Brit. Dang, can't remember who it was, or which National. Maybe NY? Anyway, it was very amusing.
When Bob critiqued my WIP he said I was giving way too many feelings to the hero in a near kiss scene. When I re-read it, I smacked myself up the side of the head and went, "Yeah, that's what a gal thinks he's thinking, or hopes he's thinking, but the truth is ... he isn't." Heh. So, I was just playin' with the boy today, you know giving him a little jab in the ribs.
GP: what a GAM. Milk is probably better. Didn't we cover this topic a while back? Oh wait, that was what to wash your hands with after handling the peppers. Either way the milk is good I think.
Zaza - I think you do our GAM a diservice. He's written 2 romantic adventures with Jenny now, he knows better.
Lady T - welcome down from the attic. The commenting thing ... blogger is tricky. We've had to employ stealth-comment tactics. You'll get appropriate training after your swearing in.
Speaking of swearing in, where's BCB?
stldwo: Still toeing line, do we overturn?
This is completely off-topic(s), but I just "heard" about this and thought I'd share:
"Call for Papers
Edited by Eric Murphy Selinger and Laura Vivanco
Contributions were invited for a collection of critical essays on the work of Jennifer Crusie. Nothing But Good Times Ahead: the Novels of Jennifer Crusie will mark a turning point in the critical study of romance fiction, even as it demonstrates the richness of Crusie’s work as both an innovator in, and theorist of, her chosen genre."
http://www.vivanco.me.uk/modern_romance_scholarship/nothing_but/call_for_papers
Congrats Jenny!!
Zaza mentioned the annual 'Bad Sex Award': I utterly despise and repudiate this tradition.
My view is that most, or possibly all, written scenes that describe sexual acts in detail will appear crass and embarrassing when read ‘cold’. The reader is in a position analogous to that of a person who enters a room and finds two total strangers copulating energetically on the sofa. If one is oneself not even thinking about sex at the time, has never met these people, and knows nothing about them, the sight of them having sexual intercourse will be extremely distasteful. It might, in certain circumstances, also be funny, since the process has its ludicrous elements.
However, if you, the inadvertent peeping tom, know the couple, if they are friends of yours, and you know them to be long-term, devoted lovers, though you will still be a bit embarrassed if you walk in on them, you will probably not be disgusted. And if we take that scenario a big step further, and postulate that you are entering the room with your own lover, in a high state of sexual arousal, in the hope and expectation of making erotic use of the sofa yourself, you will merely be inspired to greater lust and lasciviousness by the sight before you. Sexual excitement suppresses intellectual judgement. Where the intellect is fully engaged and the libido totally in the background, sexual behaviour is perceived only in detached, clinical terms or in relation to social mores. Where the reverse is the case, the rules are different, and even the breaking of social taboos may be regarded as positive, adding piquancy to the situation.
If we apply this to written sex-scenes, the conclusion is obvious. You have read a novel from the start; the plot is exciting and the characters are interesting and believable - you like them and identify with them. You experience vicariously the increasing sexual attraction of two individuals, and by the time the author gets them into bed (or onto the sofa) together, you have been along for the ride. The words used to describe any acts that take place merely operate to trigger the reader’s own feelings and imagery, which will be a blend of his/her identification with the characters and his/her own imagination and memory. The words and imagery used by the author, incidentally, may well refer back to language and imagery used elsewhere in the book – they may be ‘in’ references that strengthen the scene for the reader who has ‘been along for the ride’, but which seem inexplicable and arbitrary to the reader coming upon it unprepared.
For these reasons, I think that it is basically unfair to look at any fictional passage of sexual description in isolation. It is such an easy target that I consider it disreputable and cruel to attack it, like setting a task for someone which they are physically unable to achieve, and then laughing and sneering at them for that failure.
The whole premise of the Bad Sex Award is far more offensive and prurient than any of the passages that they have featured and cackled over through the years. They are asking the readers to assess the passages in the only terms possible when they are taken out of context – that is, as pornography, text intended primarily to arouse sexual excitement. Some may, indeed, have been written with precisely that intention, while others may not – how can we tell, when we don’t know the fictional characters and their stories? The concept of the award is cheap and meretricious, treating with contempt both the human experience of sexuality, itself a vastly complex and very sensitive subject, and the process of literary creation and its reception by the reader.
Lady T: welcome (and my dad from NY does that too. must be something in the water. Bob?)
deb: hey, Jenny is never off topic. but i thought we had something like this a few months ago. since the deadline you showed past maybe it was the same article.
ag: see, this is why we need you. you bring a totally different viewpoint and makes us think of things in a whole new way. when you do just read random sex scenes with no "preparation", it does normally come off as crude, dumb, pick your adjective. (i also wasn't aware that they don't read the whole book)
on the other hand, i can't see how even knowing characters for very long wouldn't stop me from laughing at a comparison of breasts to danishes.
that was supposed to be "would stop me"
whoops
Agtigress: You know its a great "IMHO" when it goes on for five paragraphs without wandering off point. I just thought the UK contest was (hee,hee) funny until you forced me to look at it in it's full context. Good point made.
Okay, OH reminded me that I have work to do, so.....
***Cookie Biz***
Aside from a straggler or two (moi? oh, no!), the Thanksgiving Goodie Exchange was a terrific success. Despite indications to the contrary, I can attest that all participants are excellent bakers and mixers - with special mention to Marcia in OK for her homemade cocoa mix (MOK, you've made my last couple mornings!).
So, the Christmas Cookie exchange opens tonight. As before, the instructions are posted at Cookie Exchange or http://another-cb-totw.blogspot.com/. If you are OH, Me, or KL, I strongly urge you to check the website, as you are already on the list.
zxabxzr - the really cheap electric razor you buy for the (soon-to-be) ex-boyfriend on your shopping list
lzhvskq - a Lithuanian pirogi?
Well, I for one think if "eating cookies" can mean "making love", well then "breasts" could very well be "danishes". Just saying.
Geez. It's not bad enough I had to go back to the doctor to get more medicine (yes, I am still sick), now I come over here and find Mary is chastising me for questionable language (sorry, my a**terisks were non-functional this morning), MCB is wondering where I am because there is a deplorable lack of swearing going on (make up your mind, guys), and Lady-T tells me I am jarless and therefore very vulnerable, if no longer quite so confined.
And Tigress is absolutely magnificent, as always, and wrote: Sexual excitement suppresses intellectual judgement.
I might just have that tatooed on my donkey, for those times I need a convenient excuse. At my age, "bad sex" is an oxymoron. And, gee, I've felt that way since I was about, um, (my mom isn't reading this, is she?) age 16 or so.
Besides, Jenny has already told us that sex in fiction is not really about sex -- so the award really should be renamed the "bad plot development" award or the "unlikely character growth" award or the "is that danish fresh or did your spaniel slobber on it" award. Probably they'll get around to that as soon as they're done compiling those critical essays examining her rich, innovative theories.
You all have worn me out. I'm going to take a nap.
bw
And... very nice little essay there AgTigress. You certainly put things in a different light.
And since cary slipped in a post before me, my "cookie" reference was not in regard to the cookie exchange but rather the euphamism mentioned some weeks ago by Dee. Just wanted to clarify that.
Cary,
I did indeed check the exchange, and have e-mailed you my official info and am fully participating in the exchange. The kitchen is still in progress, but WTH. Hopefully it will be done by then. If not, I'll figure something out.
KL, aren't you the one who made over a dozen pumpkin pies from scratch with that un-fully refurbished kitchen? A few dozen cookies should be no big deal for you....
Bryan, thanks for clarifying. I had this horrible idea that people might get confused and think that He Wrote/She Wrote was sponsoring "key parties" or something :>)
And your post reminded me of the trouble with euphemisms: they mean different things to different folks. Out in your next of the woods, "cookies" are a full meal deal. Here in the West, "cookies" are either an appetizer or a quick nibble.
And as for "danishes", context be damned - I'm leaving the bar. (And I'm still not sure how the crows fit in a sex scene. Sure takes me out of the moment. Does Updike arc motifs? Maybe his crows didn't just file a flight plan right over the outdoors tryst, maybe they had motivations.
And lastly - who was adopting Floyd? Or Floyd's brother Teddy Bear? Have you brought him home yet? How's it going?
And OH, can I arrange a meeting between my dog Fred and that SuperSquirrel? Maybe that'll cure Fred of trying to catch SuperSquirrel's brethren. (Fat chance...)
BCB said: "the award really should be renamed the "bad plot development" award or the "unlikely character growth" award or the "is that danish fresh or did your spaniel slobber on it" award."
LOL!!! With that unforgettable suggestion reverberating in my mind, I shall go to bed. Literary award juries, serious or frivolous, definitely need some of you brilliant people around to sort them out!
:-D
Well Agtigress, it's really my bad, not Zaza's, as I started the thread on the bad sex scenes. *sigh* Guess I have to fess up.
I personally find it funny, many of the authors themselves find it funny, and are amused to receive the award.
I do respect your opinion though and if I offended you or anyone else here, I apologize. 'Twas only meant in fun.
Sweet dreams, Tigress.
bw
Mary sneaks onto the blog, furtive-like. She spots McB, and quietly gives her a high five. "It's working! BCB is getting confused from our conflicting instructions. Divide and conquer: the cunning albeit evil plan to TOTB is working!"
cxggocn - typical doctor's signature on a prescription
drljvz - doctor l.j. vz, a.k.a. the vz-ard
Cary,
to make things even more confusing, in Jen-t's neck of the woods, "cookies" refer to a woman's breasts, whereas where I transplanted from in South Carolina, a woman's "cookie" was an anatomical playground a bit further south.
Oh My God! Sex, bad sex, bad written sex, award for bad written sex that included a danish looking breast? And now we're back to cookies. Geez. All this because Bob said 'don't ask'?
Okay, the bad written sex award - well it sounds like it was done in fun, so whatever, I just hope I'm never up for the award.
agtigress had a lot of interesting things to say, but I will respectfully disagree. Sex scenes, if done correctly, move the story forward. They are not tossed in there because someone decided they should 'do it'. Or because someone said they needed three sex scenes. Or at least it shouldn't be like that. So I think you can yank a scene (even a sex scene) and read it cold and make sense of it. Unless of course it had no purpose and they were just 'doing it'.
I'll agree a danish compared to a breast is not working for me. Then again, how many times have we cringed at all the way writers have descriped an erection? "his throbing member"?????? eewwwww! And there is a list somewhere. Someone sent it to me as a joke. I'll have to find it. If anyone is interested.
Bryan said...
Well, I for one think if "eating cookies" can mean "making love", well then "breasts" could very well be "danishes".
More silly, not to mention tackier, descriptions have been used. But come to think of it, there is precident for this. Anyone familiar with the Jenny canon knows what muffins and donuts are. So why not danish?
But I thought there was some reference in the award explanation about the work being otherwise well written, making the, uh, excerpts, especially notorious. However that was a few hours and one margarita ago so I may be recalling that incorrectly.
And let me just say that the Thanksgiving cookies exchange was very successful indeed. Yum.
And with that I'm following Tigress' example and taking myself off to bed.
GPxdbf: Gator Person xplained, did Bob forget?
Night MCB
And you know - Canadian coins - Loonies and Toonies (sp?) have been used as a descriptor for nipples. Welcome to the bizarre world I call hockey. A bunch of drunk dads playing with canadian coins wondering who was a loonie or a toonie.
Breasts called cookies - okay thats new to me.
I've heard of love muffins.
But hey, what do I know, we call cookies biscuits in my neck of the woods...
Bryan, love the "anatomical playground frurther south", very descriptive.
ftjjz - the sound of a beer top being popped.
Bob you are so bad. Don't ask is a sure fire way to get all of us to ask. So I'm asking.
Havent' had a chance to read the other comments just wanted to let you know I am still alive and the "book" is written. I finished my story last night. Now I only need to rewrite, rewrite and rewrite adding at least another 30k words. I finished it before the end of NaNo so I am happy about that.
One more night for those still writing away. Keep it up folks. It is such a rush to get that goal.
green epsba
Every person should be athletic.
Congrats ScopeDope!
Apropos of nothing, I belong to Border's rewards program. And I got an e-mail a few weeks ago telling me I had $26 in rewards to redeem. So I was all happy about that.
Then I looked up the calculation. Apparently, you stock up reward points on purchases, 5% of total purchase price. And I did the math. Holy cr*p! No wonder I'm always wondering where my money went.
And considering I probably only buy about half my annual book supply at Borders....
It'd probably be a lot cheaper to buy an out-of-district library card from the bigger district. (But don't tell my accountant that.)
jen-t said...
how many times have we cringed at all the way writers have descriped an erection? "his throbing member"?????? eewwwww!
Leaping love lance. That's my favorite.
Don't know if I said this here or not, but I blew off NaNo. A week out of the loop with the crashed hard drive, then three days of computer problems this week. I might have been able to do it anyway, but I was not up for that kind of stress. So, congrats to all of you who also participated, especially those of you who FINISHED!!!
cipbpir (green)
Can Irving please bring presents into Ruritania?
scope dope: CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bryan: LMAO at "anatomical playground further south"
mcb: yeah, but that's for the whole deed, not one particular anatomical playground. :)
cary: if it makes you feel better, i've spent enough on books- and remember i buy most of them on sale (sale being ten books for two bucks)- to pay for my college education. and my brother's.
Jenny wrote on argh ink. spent ten minutes looking at the board magnified but can't see a lot of it. *sigh*
Robena - I realise now that the first mention of the Bad Sex Award was yours - sorry I didn't acknowledge that, but Zaza had the blue clickable link, which was what caught my eye , reading rather quickly very late at night. And of course there was no offence taken!
Yes, I know that the authors who are nominated for the award generally take it in good part, but I am uncomfortable, as you will have noticed, with the basic premise of taking a scene wholly out of context. How can one possibly infer the role of an erotic scene in the overall plot and character development of a novel if one cannot see how it fits into the whole? I mentioned 'in' references: there are often words or objects that are recurring motifs in the story, and mention of them means something to a reader who has been along for the ride, but they may seem ludicrous and utterly inappropriate when the scene is ripped from its source. Many couples in real life have private references that make them laugh, or make them hot, but which would have no significance at all to an outsider.
The popularity of the award simply panders to the prurience of readers who want to see some slightly squirm-making pornography, because pornography is all it can be when read out of context. One of the marks of pornography is that the characters are interchangeable and have no depth, and the focus is entirely on the mechanics of sex; if a scene is taken out of the midst of a book, naturally one does not know the characters.
:-)
Sorry I have been away for a bit.
Happy belated b-day to all my fellow Sagittarii. Hope it was a fun and memorable one for all of you.
As for Nano, I did not reach 50K, but I reached my own goal of actually writing something, anything (26,000+) and I am happy about that. Congrats to SDCB, Mary and others who made 50,000 or like me just attempted it. You should all give yourselves a pat on the back.
Like Bob, I have my own endless end of the year to-do list, so I better get cracking.
Take care all.
SDCB - Congrats! That is awesome! Look forward to reading that book someday.
zaza - leaping love lance? oh my, I've never heard that one before and it really doesn't create the best visual, you know.
agtigress - I see and understand you point, but don't agree that taking the scene out and reading it seperatly would make it pornography. Hopefully those scenes are not written as a 'how to' manual and the emotional state of the POV character is what is conveyed. The fact that they are sharing a moment is kind of not the point.
However, there is a comfort level here too. Some books use certian grafic words during the sex scene that when used alone, could be considered crude. Can't say that I necessarily enjoy reading those books. I don't write that way. I find other ways of describing things (but not with the use of cookies, members, lances and the like).
Bottom line - anything taken out of context could be taken the wrong way.
Congrats to all the Nano's - sounds a bit like Mork but you know what I mean.
Just have the news season (new for us anyway) of West Wing on over here - Leo's just had his heart atatck and CJ has taken over. God, I love that show. The dialogue is amazing.
I hate it when the analogy in the sex scene is so bad it that you are not only yanked out of the story, but tossed down the stairs as well. I read this novel (which shall remain nameless to protect the innocents who believe it couldn't possibly be that bad - it was). The hero was a pirate and the love scenes were filled with all these sea-faring analogies - masts, sails, waves etc. Pretty much made me seasick.
BCB said, is that danish fresh or did your spaniel slobber on it award.
OMB, did I LOL.
zaza: I swear, I read it like, "Holy leaping love lances, Batman!" And I am so not going there.
In case anyone is in need of something to celebrate today, my company's website homepage advises that today is "Find Your Old Monkees Albums and Play 'Last Train to Clarksville' Day". I swear, I am not making this up.
I think my new emplyment goal is the be the person putting the trivia on the company website. As you all know, I have an endless supply of useless information.
utrhda: Useless trivia really has daily addictions.
agtigress: I see your point and agree with most of it, but also think if the scene in question involves being bitten by a spaniel (or any dog, really) and/or a direct acknowledgement to the reader as an aside to point it out as if we couldn't figure it out for ourselves, then I am going to think it is "bad" whether I've read the book in its entirety or not. That one really irked me.
uqusoskx usually queens utter SOS keenly, Xavier.
Yowza! I'm all for bad written sex scenes - they just make me laugh! Laughter is good, kinda sexy, well written sex scenes, better for a different reason. I don't read much romance that isn't contemporary, so the euphamisms aren't quite as creative as with other romance genres. And with non-romance fiction the intimacy developes differently because it so often is a subplot, not unimportant, but not the central theme of the story. Anyway my point is bad sex scenes = good laughs, even when they rip you right out of the moment. But as I can't write a whole story, and so don't know the labor of pulling it all together, I do realize the author may be hurt by my sense of humor. That was just a reader's epiphany for me. So is it better to find some entertainment from the piece, or to have a critical eye and let the author know the passage isn't working despite his/her best efforts?
Bryan- are you out there? Are you ready for some football?!? I'm hoping those old goats go down!
But it is supposed to be raining so the midshipmen may have an advantage. GOOO ARMY!
And if danish is acceptable, what about those gals that are less curvy? Please no pancakes, k?
Congrats Scope! And good to hear from you.
Cary - I do the Borders Rewards too. And I'm so bad that I actually have the credit card. Yes folks, other people use their CC's to earn frequent flier miles. I use mine to earn book money. Add to that visits I make to B&N and it adds up to a serious addiction. But I'll pass on the 12 step program, thankyouverymuch.
Hey, Scope Dope, congratulations. That's wonderful!
This may seem off base, but what loses me during the sex scenes is when they are in obviously uncomfortable situations and don't act like it is uncomfortable. Like they are so overcome with passion that doing it in the rain and snow and mud suddenly seems reasonable, rather than just GO INSIDE. Sorry. Just had to get that out.
ME said: "I see your point and agree with most of it, but also think if the scene in question involves being bitten by a spaniel (or any dog, really) and/or a direct acknowledgement to the reader as an aside to point it out as if we couldn't figure it out for ourselves, then I am going to think it is "bad" whether I've read the book in its entirety or not."
Oh, quite. Some of the passages nominated for the Bad Sex Award probably are pretty bad, even within the context of the entire book. Indeed, as so many of them are from the work of 'literary' novelists, probably most of them are.
My point was that a good sex scene can also look bad when it is read wholly out of context. It is difficult to demonstrate this from books you know, because, by definition, you already know the people and the story, so you slot the sex into that contextual background. But I am quite certain that if you placed just one erotic scene from a book that you really enjoy and respect in front of a friend who has not read that book, he/she will snigger (or, if American, snicker).
:-)
"Last train to Clarksville/and I'll meet you at the station...."
Thanks a lot Btuda. That's all of the lyrics I can remember but the d**m melody has been stuck in my head since you read off today's meaningless trivia headline.
I think I also read that pirate book. If it's the one I recall, I think the author had tongue planted firmly in cheek (no, not that cheek, you folk...). But sometimes she goes more than a little overboard. She's got some great hysterically funny books, but also more than her share of wallbangers.
MCB - There's a credit card?! That earns Reward points?!!!! Oh, I could have done without knowing that...
And hey, the elipses are free, so I may as well use them all....
oops. "overboard" - pun not intentional.
cary: glad I could help. I once had the Gilligan's Island theme song stuck in my head for an entire week. What was worse is that I had to change my passwords at work so I had "Sit Right Back And You'll Hear A Tale" stuck with me for another month.
And Egads, there might have been two books. The one I limped through was written by a man.
My apologies for my earlier comment if I've used the word 'analogy' wrong. I'm having major brain fade today. I think I meant 'metaphor,' but in my current state I couldn't really explain the difference.
Btuda: I've heard Indiana has that effect on many people...
bw
I cringed at the thought of where that dog might have bitten. Ouch.
Sex scenes out of context are mostly pornographic...yes. Written sex left to the imagination can be the most erotic of all. Unless written really well, I tend to lightly read thru sex scenes. The "tab A into slot B" can be accomplished in not too many different ways. The descriptions can be quite excellent.
I'm with Bryan....
GO NAVY...
gxsgosy...red
an improvement on argosy
Andi,
I am here, and I am looking forward to the game, but I seriously doubt The Golden Knights even have a chance this year. But historically, it's always a good game because both teams really get up for it.
In 106 games, Navy leads 50-49-7.
The average score over the entire history of the rivalry is Navy - 14.67, Army - 12.91
Win or lose, I have nothing but respect for Army. They're like the best second place team ever.
Louis,
Glad to have you on the team.
Now here's a timely quote:
The Nov. 27 New Yorker has a review of Pynchon's Against the Day (which was nominated for the Bad Sex Award for the "Reader, she bit him" line). Here's what the reviewer has to say...
"Pynchon has an interest...in sexual practices that are more fun to read about than one imagines they would be, for most of his audience, to engage in."
I thought it was funny.
bcb: I think I just heard someone being moved over to the "Wants Coal" side of the list.
bryan said, "They're like the best second place team ever."
That is by far the best back-handed comment I've ever heard. You're probably getting coal too, but it was funny.
I have got to find the picture I took of my dog in the Santa suit. Talk about a look that says, "Merry Freakin' Christmas." Come to think of it, I think I'm on the coal list too. (I've got a picture of him posted over on my blog from yesterday. No Santa suit, but he was much happier that day.)
Bryan and now you too Louis?-
all I can say AAARRRGGGHHH. You've got numbers to back you up! Let me just hit below the belt then... USMA is a prettier campus and the cadets are way cuter! Did I sound like the 13yo I was when my dad taught there?
and, and, nocookiesforYOUsir! (Seinfeld allusion)
just coal!
also this would have been much more impactful if I knew how to use those $#@! html tags. help please!
fkdwk - blogger isn't messing around today.
I'm exhausted just from reading Bob's end-of-year to-do list.
My goal for this month? Breathe, smile, and try not to annoy my relatives.
Every time Bob or Jenny mention Sanctuary I think of the book by Faulkner (you know, 'the corn cob book').
oh my.
Sorry Andi, despite Dad's enforced servitude with the Army, I'm Navy all the way! Bryan, I loved the "Best Second Place Team Ever" line. I may have to borrow that.
Btuda, I spent last night browsing online for a doggie overcoat. I know that dressing up your dog like a human is cruel and just wrong, but OMB, some things are just irresistable! (BTW, I'm justifying the overcoat with reflective markings - Fred's an active boy, so we take long walks in all weather and since nightfall comes early... It has nothing to do with how cute I think he'd look in that yellow overcoat. I'm drawing the line at the rubber dog boots, though. Maybe...)
Yep, this week only, elipses (...) half off!
Andi ... impactful????
Re: $#@! html tags. Well, I know how to do &*^%$ tags; will that do?
Before the text: < b > (except remove the spaces)
After the text: < / b > (again removing spaces.
That's for bolding. To italicize replace the b with an i.
As i said before I haven't had time to read all the comments but the ones I have read suggest that somehow my crappy, crappy, crappy sex scene that IS laughable made it to the internet. I will have to talk to NaNo about that. One of the major things I have to change in rewrite.
Congratulations to everyone who participated in NaNo. No matter what, you have accomplished a lot just by taking part. Any words written are more than you had before right? That is a start. Good luck with your projects. I feel my own is just a start since there is so much more to do. Thank you to all who gave good wishes.
green llqumty
Long living quinces usually multiply through yex.
Btuda - I saw the Monkeys in Concert. I was young and stupid.
k.l wrotoe "Like they are so overcome with passion that doing it in the rain and snow and mud suddenly seems reasonable"
Call me weird, but it seems reasonable to me.
Let's see here, Grandfather was Navy, Father Navy, Uncle Navy, Brother 20 years in the Navy....hmmmmmm - Go Navy! (my brother would do something crazy like take me up in his plane and fly me over an aligator infested lake again if I went against Navy.)
OK, I'm not feeling the love here folks.(except from mcb)
Cary - my cyber sister, Jen - my fave dancer/writer/make-me-laugh gal, plus you live in New York, home of USMA. This hurts girls, really.
Ok hold on I gotta go back and check on how to bold and all that.
I know you all love Bryan, and think a little sucking up may yeild Grover dance tutu pictures, but a little Army love is a good thing.
I can't tell if the @#%$html tags are working.
and, and USMA cadets have better uniforms, and don't have to float for 6mos.
SDBC - my added congratulations to your success with Nano. And I can't wait to read what I am sure is not a crappy, crappy sex scene, and if it is laughable, yippee, mostly really it should be, 'cause the act itself sure is when analyzed.
Given the (U.S.)economy and state of the world in general, it looks like coal might be an extremely valuable gift this year.
"Hey, hey we're the Monkees..."
cary: the santa suit is the only indignity I've inflicted upon my poor dog, although he does have a sweater and a fleece coat. He hates both, although he really hates the sweater. He walks like he's got a chaffing problem. Which would be cute if he was wearing the little cowboy outfit ... no, no, I won't do it.
He's a schnauzer. They don't shed and mine at least mats up unless you keep his coat cut short. Kinda like a cross between a brillo pad and a dust bunny.
jen-t: I can't talk myself. Went to a Cinderella concert just to see Nelson open for them - Ricky Nelson's twin sons. Nevermind the obsession with Duran Duran.
"I I I I'm not your steppin' stone ..."
MCB - I gotta lotta love for you! I'm easily amused and pleased.
Yucky day in the ATL, I'll go read Santa Baby for the bajillionth time, the DH is at a sales meeting with the boss and the rest of his business unit. That could possibly translate into a bar with the boss et al. I'll be checking up on him later.
Jen-T whined, "(my brother would do something crazy like take me up in his plane and fly me over an aligator infested lake again if I went against Navy.) My question? Again?!!
Okay, enough with the Monkees already! Their songs are certainly catchy, and OMB do they get stuck in your head, but I haven't seen the TV show in at least 15 years, so I can't remember all the lyrics, da**it! There is nothing worse than singing along in your head, "Hey, hey we're the Monkeys/People say we we're lah-da-dah-da..."
Unless you're hearing, "Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip ..."
Curse you, Gilligan!
And the Skipper, too!
The millionaire and his ... oh man I hate that song!
Cary said ... There is nothing worse than singing along in your head, "Hey, hey we're the Monkeys/People say we we're lah-da-dah-da..."
That should be ... "and people say we monkey around. But we're too busy singing, to put anybody down."
... that started at this tropic isle on board this tiny ship ...
Andi: I'll root for your team, just because I know you once lived in MN and some of that must have rubbed off on you and, therefore, you have impeccable judgement. But what is the USMA? US Marine Academy? They have a basketball team? [shrug] If you say so. Ok, rooting for the Marine basketball team here. When is the game? Is it televised? And they're playing the Golden Knights? Is that Bobby's team from IN? OH? Where does he coach again?
Geez. I thought it was complicated just keeping up with all the teams here in NC. I'm going to need to write this down.
There now, I'll bet you feel better already, don't you? Knowing I'm rooting for your team.
No thanks necessary. Really. You can just send me coal, too. At this rate, I'll be able to heat the house through February.
bw
oehym: the sound Andi is making right about now
"hey, hey we're the monkees and people say we monkee around, but we're too busy sing-ing to put anybody down. we just want to get friendly, blah,blah, blah, blah blahblahblahblahblah"
can't wear earmuffs without singing
"girl, look what you've done to me. Me and my whole world."
I loved that Brady bunch. Marcia always got what she wanted.
Great... a Monkees/Gilligan medally-round going in my much beleagured brain.
That and no Army love. geeze.
BCB - I can't believe you got the whole thing right! so glad you're on my team. still lomao
Andi really - it's my brother! Remember this is the guy who used is baby sister's ass for target practice with his bee bee gun, used her as a crash dummy for the go cart that fell apart and get his kicks out tourmenting me in general. And he did fly me low over aligators. I screamed, really I did. He laughed - sick bastard. I have say go Navy, really I do.
Btuda - still got you beat - I saw Andy Gibb once.
How about "Here's a story of a lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls all of them had hair of gold, just like their mother, the youngest one in curls..."
Yeah, it's that whole "sitting in the back row, paying attention" thing. I think The GAM might be rooting for the Marines, too. Probably.
bw
bcb: Bobby's at Texas Tech now. Interestingly enough, the Purdue women's basketball coach just left for there too.